mood: ?
music: ben folds five - whatever and ever amen

today i realized that i don't know very many of the little details about my brother's life. and yet i love him so much and feel so close to him. i suppose i could always ask him.

before that i realized that i don't know much of anything about my father's life. and yet i love him with everything i am and at times feel incredibly close to him. but it is much too late to ask him.

death is so permament. sometimes i feel like i can't handle it. i know one day he'll call to say hello. and he'll apologize for being away for so long. and he'll dote on me and tell me how proud he is. and then we'll set up a day to get together. we'll make up for missed time. a day to catch up.

i feel like i'm so far behind... i can never catch up.