It has been found, the source of our collective downfalls... this attitude:

"My problem isn't me, its other people" - screen name withheld

Yes, it's never you is it. It's never you.

-until next time, see you on the other side-

Ah, the sweet, sweet sound of AP English being beaten back... back to the evil collegiate-level hell from which it came. Okay, maybe I have yet to fully conquer this madness, but... I've at least started reasoning with it. And it's stopped slapping me at the end of every sentence. This is a good thing! ::sigh:: Oh, research paper rough draft, how sad you make me. Why must I cite these horrid criticism... things? And what's wrong with doing a bibliography the good old-fashioned way: author, title (underlined), place published, publisher, date? It wasn't always this way. Man, research paper rought draft... what happened to us?

Ah yes, and college things. I'm still working on my essays for Reed, which - I must say - seem more intimidating than any other project I have ever undertaken... mainly because I want to be accepted there so badly, I think. I've been told - by someone who knows far more about this than I... let's call him "Dad" - that I need to just drink some tea, sit down, and write. If only he knew... tea makes me pee like the dickens, and it's difficult to concentrate when you've really got to go.

So I've had my little rant break, back to work I go. Time to vengefully kick some MLA ass. Take that for killing my weekend! And you there! NO LOAFING!

Until next time, see you on the other side.

^Aloha...

^Happy Halloween to all of you humans out there. To any of you that are dead or non-dead or the living dead or what have you, congrats on having a day in your honor. Though what a stupid holiday it is. Maybe it's just me, but October 31 brings me no excitement whatsoever. When I tell people this, a conversation tends to take place that runs a little something like this (these are all actual examples):

#1
Me: "Halloween brings me no excitement whatsoever."
Person A:"Why not?"
"It's a worthless holiday."
"That's why it's so great!"
"I don't know. Halloween just doesn't fit into my intellectual outlook right now."
"You see, that was funny. When else can you get free candy."
"Whenever you want it."
"What? You'd have to buy it. Yeah, you paid for some free candy. That's no fun."
"But if your parents buy it, and you eat it. It was free for you."
"Yeah, but then you can't put it in a pillow case."
"Yes you can. You can go upstairs to the linen closet, take one out, go downstairs, fill it with the candy your parents bought, and enjoy."
"Well...maybe /you/ can...but..."
"No, everyone can. If you have two working hands and a pillow case, then you can."
"You're no fun."

#2
Me: "No, really. Halloween just doesn't fit into my...being."
Person D: "Whatever. Free candy fits into everyone's being."

^So, as you can see, I am defeated on this topic. Or am I? It's butt-f**king cold outside. This has caused an unusually small number of small candy-gatherers to ring my doorbell. In fact, only about 5 groups have come to the door. Now, my mother always buys extra candy just in case. But without the small heathen-people in costumes to give it to, that means it becomes a donation to the "I Like Candy - Give It Here" fund. Which means I get a hell of a lot of candy. So I guess I am the winner here.

Excellent. Just how I like it.

^That is all. Thank you.

I just had the strangest dream. I can't go back to sleep just yet, for fear that it will be lingering around enough to pop back up and go... "muah!" I dreamed Ma Joad, from the Grapes of Wrath, was trying to trap me in this little shack. I think it was a two-room post office. When I escaped, she told me that it was "too bad" and now "she'd just have to come for me." Which didn't sound too good... so I just figured I'd wake up. That ought to complicate her plans.

I am not sure how long I am planning to stay awake, but my eyes hurt fiercely. If I must, I will stay conscious until the sun rises if it means continuing to elude Ma Joad. Because she just looked... creepy.

Rest well out there. Maybe she'll give up on me and decide to get *you* instead. Until next time, see you on the other side.

So the paper came and went. Yes, my quote "I blog about things that displease me" was used. As predicted, I was too lazy to amass any amount over three of this article at once, and the aforementioned shirt was never made. Life marches on.

1000Toms rock. I saw them in concert at the Ranch Bowl tonight. .

There. I've typed my obligatory couple of sentences. Save for the fact that everything and my kitchen sink (and the trunk of my car and my backyard and those creepy guys across the street that keep loudly pulling out of their driveway at three am's armpits) is due within the next two weeks, nothing of worth is really going on. Well... Homecoming. Les Mis. MSI concert... whatever day it ends up settling on. If it keeps getting pushed back, maybe it'll end up on my 18th birthday - November 10th. Wicked gay.

I'm on Colin's laptop right now, and I've just been informed that my internet connection has been severed. I guess I'll save this and post at a later date.

...(time passes)...

"Later date" meaning ten minutes, I guess. Until next time... see you on the other side.

^Aloha (haha I'm more famous that yooooouuuuuuu are!)

^So right now, as I am typing, Jen and I are getting our picture taken to go with the article in the newspaper. Don't you wish you were us? No? Didn't think so...

^Heh heh, they're giving us instructions on how to pose and such. This is really really akward. Jen says her back hurts. I keep spellng things wrong. And I don't think I've ever sat this close to a computer (or Jen for that matter ). Jen also thinks she's tripping because the walls are moving. Go figure...

^Yes, we're still sitting here. They're having technical difficulties. hehe....Jen gets that one...

^ They tell me "keep doing that," that is to keep typing, but I am running out of things to type about. My life is not that interesting you know. This photo shoot business is hard work. I don't think I want to be a superstar any more. I just hope they don't ask me to take my shirt off...Jen really wants to take her pants off, but I don't think that's such a good idea.

^Whew, we're done...let's blow this popsicle stand.

That is all...thank you.

Well, the interview went through as planned. Followup comments:

*The small blonde boy who looks like a shorter, straighter Tim Vlach has a name. It's Eric, and he's pretty cool. He has a blogspot of his own, but Taria and I invited him to post with us on a trial basis. For the sake of his article. Or because he's cool. Or something. So watch out, because he'll make himself known here sooner or later.

*Apparently, a news-bearing institution has already beaten the Hoofbeat to the punch in calling blogging the upcoming newhotSUPERcool trend. It was Newsweek, and I'm sure they were lying. The bastards.

*At one point during the interview, I was quoted as saying "I blog about things that displease me." If that particular quote is published, Taria and I decided we'd cut it out of as many papers as we could get our hands on, glue the little pieces onto an 8.5x11 sheet of paper, scan it, and turn it into a t-shirt.

But I should go. I'm pasting little white togas onto magazine cutouts of beautiful people for a Latin shirt design.
Until next time, see you on the other side.

So.

My apologies, Taria, for I did not catch the VMAs. My mother did, however, and she was not impressed. Not to imply that my mother is some kind of worldly judge of quality television... she used to watch "The Bachelor" regularly. But that goes to show... she's now sunk to the level of MTV.

Also... there is trouble afoot in the form of a small blonde boy who looks a lot like a shorter, straighter Tim Vlach. He's from the school newspaper, and he wants to interview Taria and me on the subject of blogging. That's right kids, the upcoming newhotSUPERcool trend of blogging. I tell you, it's wicked gay. I don't think he realizes that the only reason I post here is to whine, complain, and generally belly ache about the school and other school-related institutions like... the newspaper. You know... angsty teenager stuff. But if he really wants, well... I guess Taria and I will have to share our poetic goo, or else pass up our once-in-a-lifetime chance at Millard North newspaper stardom. It's almost humorous... my impending school-wide recognition comes in the form of sporadic postings. Marco Braunschweiler, also of the school newspaper, has promised to save me. C'mon Marco... I trust you. Make this article not suck.

Until next time... see you on the other side.

^Aloha boys and girls

^ So did anyone watch the VMAs last night, because you really should have. It was of great quality. And no, I don't say that simply because of my all-consuming infatuation with Jimmy Fallon. Yes it is. But you have to admit that it wasn't too bad in terms of the comedy. Not quite as good as when Chris Rock hosted, but hell, nothing can ever be that good unless you selll your soul to the MTV gods. And since I'm pretty sure Fallon already sold his soul to the SNL gods to get Weekend Update, you see what a predicament this left him in. The cinematic quality was better than usual also. I guess they decided to go for the gold and use real film equipment instead of the 8 mm handheld they borrow from Carson Daly every year.

^Know what was not better than usual - the outfits. What the hell went wrong? Who pays people to dress them like shit? The answer my friends includes, but is not limited to, Christina Aguilera ( I guesstimate that the area of the cloth in her entire outfit was appx 10 square inches....Allyson says it was closer to 12 - I don't give her that much credit.), Britney Spears (Really, what's up with the S & M look? And I'm pretty sure I saw her ass when she turned around.) and Michelle Branch (That dress was just ugly....just plain ugly.) Speaking of Michelle Branch, I don't think she was drunk at all. She didn't even slur her words. Now Pink, she knows how to do it. The whole broken speech, beady eyes, can't quite stand up straight or stick with one thought thing she had goin really worked out well I thought.... So did the making fun of the American Idol hosts. Because that was damn close to what it's really like with those two. I swear, my stomach acid is more intelligent than the two of them. Combined. Eminem was pretty enjoyable. I have to say "WOW" to anyone who brings everyone within a 3-mile radius of the show up on stage with him, threatens to beat up Moby (Who got dissed on by a puppet - ouch!), and thanks their lawyers...all in one acceptance speech. Now that's talent.

^But on another subject altogether, today is Friday. Today is Friday and I don't know what I am going to do tonight. Yellow Peril is playing with Pomeroy tonight - which will be awesome (totally wicked gay Jen). And I really would like to see Mike before he leaves on his mission, but I don't know. The idea of going to a room that has the feel of hot-boxing in the music office and standing next to some guy who leans omniously close to me and reeks of garlic, female hairspray and turpentine, while Spencer leaps and frolics about as the resident groupie just doesn't really sound like a good time to me. Then I thought about going to see Goldmember, but AMC is worthless, and I don't exactly enjoy bands of roving 12-year-olds waiting for their rides, standing in my way, flirting with any and everything that's male and can drive. You know, I really just don't enjoy bands of roving 12-year-old. End of sentence. So I don't know where you'll be able to find me tonight. Not at home, that's for sure. With my 3-year-old cousin in town, I have tried to avoid being at my house at all costs. Including staying at Les Mis rehearsals later than I have to. I STAY AT SCHOOL. Can you tell I'm desperate here? No? Didn't think so.

^ I think Garrett and I will go out and do something both adventurous and troublesome 2nd hour, so I might have some illegally good times to tell you about later.

That is all...thank you.

^Aloha............................................................. (take that Jen, I spit on your propper use of grammar)

^Seeing as how I have three off periods in arow every single day, it appears as though I've run out of actual excuses as to why I don't post - ever. I'll have to work on that.

^So what to talk about now?

^ I had somewhat of a realization today. All of last year's seniors are gone away to college. And for the most part I am glad. I do miss them, but I am glad that I no longer have to run into them when they come to shop at Old Navy, make small chat and then say "Oooohh, we'll have to hang out before you leave," knowing good and well that I won't bother. I hope they are enjoying their first taste of unchaperoned shenanigans while I waste away for yet another year in my government-sanctioned institution also known as high school.

^ Did you know that antidisestablishmentarianism is the longest word in the English language? Or that screeched is the longest monosyllabic word in the English language? I know. I know. You've always wondered that. I'm just glad that I could provide you with that knowledge. *And a big thank-you to Diane Johansen for enlightenment.

^ Speaking of enlightenment, I think I need to be some sort of sense (The word is pronounced sen-say. I am unsure as to the propper spelling of the word. It's pretty close to that...close enough.) If you have any ideas as to what my specialized area should be, you should really let me know (To let me know, click here.)

^Just kidding. Yeah, right. Did you really think I was going to give you my email address? Oh geeze, kids these days are so gullible!

That is all...thank you.

Well, we certainly appear to be returning to somewhat of a normal posting schedule. Or so I am so foolish as to think. I just thought I'd drop that in here. I must work on my personal essay for AP English now, for if I do not... bad things will happen to me. And maybe to you as well.

Until next time... see you on the other side.

^ Aloha all you crazy kids out there...

^As you can see, I haven't posted in quite some time. I've been having a life....sort of. There's not really much to speak of at the moment with regards to my life. School started last Wednesday. Surprisingly enough it's not as bad as I thought it would be. I only have 4 classes. That affords me a great deal of time to do things...or not do things. Whichever seems more pleasing. Usually the NOT doing things has a more promising outcome. You know, laziness is really a virtue. Even nature exhibits certain characteristics of laziness. Par example, when birds fly on extended trips and they get into the proper arrangement, they only have to exert half the energy they would if they were in the wrong orders. See, even God can appreciate a little slacking. Now why can't Mary Bayne?

^Auditions for Les Mis will come to an end tonight with the little children taking stage tonight. Should be interesting. Too bad I'm not going.

^I'm not sure what else to talk about now. Perhaps if I stop typing now and go experience life, something strange will happen and I can then come back and tell you about it. Just kidding. Because experiencing life requires some enthusiasm...and we've already talked about that.

^ Ah yes, one of the things I did this summer was to go to Anytown. That , my friends, is a camp on diversity. It really is an amazing experience. But beside all that, I met some really awesome people. Now my problem is finding a way to integrate them into my life. I have trouble remembering who I signed contracts to be friends with on a daily basis. So how on earth do I find room in my brain's memory lobe to add 87 more people. Any suggestions? Let me know.

^ Ow. My body hurts. (Jen, fix it!) I went dancing on Saturday at Club Fusion. I realized that I am not as young as I used to be. At my wise old age of 17, my body is not what it used to be. But none the less, I had a great time. And I should hope to do it again - but not too soon. I must give my muscles time for repair....

^Well that's about it, I will make a somewhat honest attempt in the future to post on a regular basis. Maybe...

That is all...thank you

Facinating... this was last updated June 13th? I must admit, I have returned a couple of times since my last post, but I lacked any interesting or slightly less inane things to say, so... I continued on my merry way, hoping Taria would fill the void. But I forgot that she does Things. Real Things, which I do not do. Namely, work. And hang out with people. And travel. And generally be busier and more active than I.

Ah, 4:03 am on a Tuesday morning. I had all four of my wisdom teeth torn from my body last week. Okay, "torn" is obviously exaggerating, but I hate being cut open in any situation. They gave me an IV, and in five minutes, I was out. I woke up with a mouth full of bloody gauze and a head that felt sort of drunk (a feeling which I would not actually know, having never really been drunk before). Today is day eight of the mighty healing process, and I have graduated from water, to broth, to noodle soups, to just noodles, to pizza. I have finally arrived at the station called real food. I can also drink through a straw now, as the danger of giving myself a "dry socket" (supposedly very painful) has passed with the seventh day.

My skool forms arrived yesterday. Oh, how I long to take my life - as bland as it may be - and mold it onto the many lines of a little blue oaktag card. Yes, yes... sign this, sign that. Make me a member of the football team, pay for extra fries every Thursday, and volunteer my parents to be shot into space on the official Millard North "We Can Do Anything We Want To Because We're An IB School" rocket. And I mustn't forget: I'm a senior this year! That's what, almost three extra stations I'll have to stop at during registration. But at least I have the ::light from mysterious unearthly source shines:: sweet privilege to leave during second hour. Too bad the school will probably oversell parking permits again, so some sophomore in her brand new Eclipse who called herself out of first and second hour (so she could spend extra time on her makeup) can cut me off, blare her music, and take the last empty space, thus forcing me to seek out Fred for permission to park on the landscaping and generally preventing me from getting to my third hour class on time. Somewhere, the High Skool Gods have that scenario written on a note card, and they're waiting ever so patiently for me to even *want* to leave second hour. I'll show them... I'll go buy an Eclipse.

That is all. See you on the other side.

^Aloha all you happy campers! (Oh Jen, I am sorry that I have abandoned you in your time of need. I hope that someday you will be able to forgive me for not taking summer school again this year. Although with such shenanigans going on, I kind of wished I had waited a year to take civics with you...wait, no I don't)

^I apologize for the lack of postings. Mother somehow managed to load a virus onto our computer while browsing through some old corrupt disks. Yeah, that sort of kills the fun when you can turn your computer on and complete all tasks, but you just can't see anything because your monitor is suffering from a severe case of monitorial insanity. I have crawled back humbly to my original companions in pen and paper. They have welcomed me back with open arms. It is somehow comforting to know that I have something to fall back on when technology gets shot to hell.

^So what has happened in the last few days? I don't know. You would think that I would be aware of what has been going on in my life wouldn't you? Yeah, you and your simple minds. Well I hate to be the one to inform you but I don't. Everything just seems to run together in one giant blurb....perhaps of ganja smoke Jen? But I thought we had overcome that evil... I should've known...

^We had Threads training down in Old Navy Land last night. It's a formal interactive class to reteach all the employees the benefits of Seamless Service - which is basically telling us we should bend to the evil wills of our customers on a daily basis. Worshipping the evil empire is good. The Four threads of Seamless Service are KNOWLEDGEABLE, FRIENDLY, HELPFUL, and QUICK. These are things we should aspire to be. But the customers need to earn their threads if you ask me. I mean, when the same 6 people come in to shoplift and then one time they get into a physical altercation in the parking lot and beat the shit out of each other, I don't really want to be KNOWLEDGEABLE, FRIENDLY, HELPFUL, or QUICK to them. In fact, I would like to condemn them to have my job working with people as silly fucking stupid as they are, for the rest of eternity.

^OOOh, one piece of interesting news. Everyone's favorite principal, Linda, will not be returning to MIllard North next year. There are many rumors that abound. One is that she was offered a fabulous job in the central admin office and had to leave her position. The other is that they kicked her ass to the curb and in order to maintain employment she had to take the leftover job that no one else wanted. Most people have raised up a joyful noise in response to this news. Personally, I had no problem with Linda. She's always been very nice to me... she very well could be a kind soul...of course I am one of about 7 black kids that go to the school and so it's probably in the best interest of the school to be hospitable to me. For if I leave, they will be even farther below their diversification quota. To lay all of your fears to rest, neither Dorothy or Chuck will be moving up into the vacated spot. Once again, I don't have any bad feelings towards Farr...but I must admit that I am not exactly the founder of "Students For Chuck Story" fan club. But you can understand my reasons for this. Anyway, they're looking at hiring at retired OPS administrator to serve while an in-depth search is conducted. He will serve as Supreme Commander of the Millard North Galaxy. Should be interesting. We'll have to see if he can score 500,000 points to be crowned the Supreme Ruler.

^In other news, just as we all suspected, I have grown to love the reporting job at Kiwibox as I love the sight of Matt Gall coming in my direction as if to strike up a conversation. I have more or less just stopped sending them articles. Well, I haven't written anything for them since the one article about Special Friends Prom. I don't know if they ever posted it or not. I don't even care at this point. Going to that website makes me grievously saddended with regard to the future of America. *Note: Jen, your little conversation snippit also gives me great indigestion. Is that where the country is headed? Well then I'm moving to Canada. Or at least Hawaii...* I just kept going to the website to try and find some sort of redeeming value...and I failed. I failed miserably. I AM SO SORRY THAT I EVER VENTURED INTO THAT CORNER OF THE WORLD. I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON.

^Summer is shaping up to be pretty damn boring. I think it's just the genetic makeup of the people in our group. No one ever really plans anything. And when some of us are actually able to get out of our pajamas and perhaps shower and make ourselves presentable...sort of...we can't think of anything to do.This will hopefully get a bit better once Party Central (Aka Sam's basement) is finished later this month. Also, her Frenchie should get here in July, so that should shake things up. But until then, I am doomed to parties that consist of ______________ (see how there's nothing there?). And when there actually is something, it turns out to be all wrong.
Peter had some festivities the past evening to celebrate his birthday. We went to Applebee's for dinner and then to his apartment to swim. At Applebee's the service sucked ballsac. For starters, they could only seat half of us, and by half they meant all but 4 people. So the rest of us are chilling out and enjoying some drinks and the other girls, whom Jen and I termed Micronesia, were sat two table away. The people that occupied the table next to ours (where Micronesia would have been) were done. Very done. And they sat there and talked...about nothing...about the pros and cons of diversifying pet food. I wanted them to leave. When they finally did pick up to head out something just pulled them back. They stood there talking of their desegregated pet foods. I wanted them to die. Or at least leave. Well anyway, they left and Micronesia never did come over. Jerks thought they were too good for us. Our main waitress was great. It was a Friday night and we were a large group and she handled us so well. I was impressed. But that damn mananger that they had helping out was well...a waste of a brain if I do say so myself. I had to ask her four separate times for a refil on my tea and she forgot each time to have them make it. She is somewhere wasting my oxygen. But I digress. My only other complaint from Applebee's was that I got my appetizer at the same time as my meal. That makes no sense to me. I ordered an appetizer so that we could have it before dinner. Isn't that why they call it an appetizer? Or did they change that definition and not tell me. Dammit, I hate it when that happens. The appetizer was mozzarella sticks. I spilled marinara on my shirt. Sometimes I just wish the sperm had hit a different egg.
Moving on, we were all ready for some good times at Peter's pool right? Wrong. The pool was freezing. It was a little bit like packing yourself in ice to prevent swelling...only it was your whole body and not just one small spot. And since I'm not really one for getting my hair wet too often, I thought I'd take a relzxing dip in the hot tub. That's what I do right? I'm the resident hot-tubber. The hot-tub was in all likelihood, one degree warmer than the pool. But one would say that I had a choice to get out of the hot tub. This is true...but the air just above the water made you so much damn colder that it was the lesser of two evils to just stay in. Damn Catch-22. After about an hour, we vacated our little igloo and took our chances out on the land. But that gave me a chance to finish the pasta that was a leftover casualty of Applebee's quick service.
SO, as you can see, that little experience was a prelude to what our summer will probably be. This makes me...ambivalent. I look around me...and I can only wonder. I think what I'm feeling now is called apathy. I am sitting here at David's house, posting, while he and Makyle play some version of Tekken...I think David is the small but fortified and fiesty woman, and Makyle is the giant panda bear. This is my life kids. Welcome to it. Can I take your coat?

That is all...thank you.

Ah Taria, you indeed have won. Then again, do any of us *really* win? Speaking of not winning...

Should it really be surprising how quickly the bitterness returns once one returns to summer school? It comes on so fast, I would almost need time lapse photography to capture the exact second I realize I am voluntarily driving to, and to add insult to injury, have PAID to return to this flourescent hell. Weight training has been nothing but a learning experience. As Lindsey so well puts it, "Take all your rage, and turn it into happiness. There. Now you're the happiest person in the world, and you may explode." For the first half of class, we're all required to (this one was a hard one to figure out...) weight train. There are two groups - actual, labeled, official groups - in this class. "Fitness" kids are just taking gym for the credits, and as an added bonus, recieve the blessing of becoming more fit in the process. "Activity" kids are training for some sport, and recieve the blessing of a harder workout. It's almost nice to see even the Activity kids get bitter when they are forced to lift things at 8 in the morning.

The second half of Weight Training is the "random games" half. Yesterday, we tried to play mat ball using only half of the gym (there was a basketball camp practicing on the other side... our gym teachers forgot they were going to be there). The game was mat ball... only most of the rules had been removed. Here is what was left:

1. When it is pitched to you, kick the ball in a direction - any direction. Even backward toward the line of your waiting teammates. There are no fouls, unless you kick the ball into baskball camp, in which case all action ceases until it is retrieved.

2. Once you have contacted the ball (physically - no thinking toward the ball) in some way, run to first base. Normal rules of mat ball apply when running the bases. Second base is the best camping area, because your slacker counterparts on the opposing team are standing in front of it, blocking it from the teacher's view.

And this was the complicated one. It took awhile for everyone to catch on to it, probably because it was hard to word it correctly... and it was a pretty dumb rule.

3. There are no traditional "outs." In this game, a player is out if they are not touching a base when the ball is returned to the center circle in which the pitcher is standing. In other words, if you tried to tag me with the ball, I could (in theory) take the ball into my possession and run the bases with it, scoring repeatedly until I tire or it is violently wrested from me.

Ah, sweet gym. I'm not sure how to describe Civics yet, only because Mr. Drummond's teaching style has changed dramatically from seventh grade and I can't tell if his neverending sarcasm means that he sympathizes with or is sickened by Lindsey and I. I can, however, say this: Lauren Banghart and Jen Cooper are in my class. May I present the future of America:

Jen: Something smells like feet!
Lauren: Yuck!
Jen: Feet smell so bad. They're gross. I just gave myself a pedicure yesterday.
Lauren: Oh no! I think it's me! I knew I shouldn't have worn these sandals!
Jen: Ooh! They're cute!
Lauren: My feet?
Jen: No, your sandals. Your feet smell.
Lauren: I got them from Bebe.
Jen: Your feet?
Lauren: My sandals! My feet are so gross.

And with this, I depart, to wash the dye from my hair. It has been three weeks since the salon job, and the color has faded so badly I did almost look blonde. I'm so glad I still have Hot Topic brand Blood Red to fall back on, even if washing it out does stain the tub. Good night, kids. See you all on the other side.

^Aloha ( I hate David and I hope he dies a terrible fiery death)

^Jen and I are racing to see who will post first. Looks like I win!

That is all...thank you.

^Aloha (Jen makes a very good point on the potency of Jarzynka's party - in news that doesn't matter to anyone but myself, I have made good progress on both my senior song and graduation speech for next year )

^ I have not posted in a ridiculously long time. I apologize for my shortcomings. Life has been fairly interesting in the past 2 weeks or so. And I suppose that there is no better place to start than what I like to call: the beginning.

^ I did not move up in show choir this year. I don't think I have ever felt so hurt in all my life. I know that I deserved better than what was handed to me.God is a strange...thing. I am once again forced to believe that there is a reason that things worked out the way that they did. And that good will poke it's little head out of a crack somewhere in this disaster. I have a feeling that I will be talking more on this subject at a later date.

^ Pittsburgh was fascinating and wonderful and beautiful and terrible. The city is gorgeous beyond words. I suggest you all take a trip there, even for a short while, sometime before you are too old to appreciate such beauty. The activities were great loads of fun. I have so many other things to talk about right now that I won't go into detail, but as is with the show choir note, you can expect another blog devoted entirely to this trip in the days to come. Some of the people that I was with were less than desirable. Well there were only 3 to be exact. They shall remain nameless for now. I made some realizations that have changed the way I look at these people. I am not sure how that will affect my future relationsips with them, but I know it will. And I just can't wait until they hear about how I was such a bitch to them in one of my little postings. Let the summer drama begin.

^Graduation parties are the devil. Need I say more. We are all feeling their awful sting. Matt Uehling won first prize for overall best graduation party with Rob Botkin (for his moon jump) and Shannon Miller (with her comfortable atmosphere) in an unbelievably close second. If I'm not too lazy, I might compile a gaggle of awards that don't mean anything to honor these graduation parties that went above and beyond.

^Graduation itself wasn't much of anything. Rachel started crying during the senior songs, which only encouraged my tears and those of all else in the choir. Eddie Sempeck jokingly fell flat on his face on his way to receive his diploma. It was obviously fake, but it was a great way to break up the monotony. Thank you Eddie. Tim Gould did not graduate. A shame, but no surprise. In orchestral news, it was just like any other graduation ceremony. Although I am happy to report that I will never play Pomp and Circumstance again. Kudos to all of our graduates. You made it.

^ I think I've caught you up on all that you need to know for now. I will try to be more dilligent over the summer about keeping you up to date.But I make no firm promises!

^That is all...thank you.

"I have a supercomputer that can control any computerized system in the world. My girlfriend never has to stop at red lights... ever."

What a party. It was raging, like that bologna sandwich in that "talking to your kids about alcohol" commercial. We were the dirty socks. And man, we were great dirty socks, too. In all, I think we I learned some important things:

1. If you don't pay, you have to crawl into the party through the tube.

2. If humans had built in skin-flap clothes, they would have to download designs to project onto them and Abercrombie and Fitch would sue over copyright infringement.

3. There are over 101 ways to play pool without actually playing pool.

4. The only time June bugs are amusing is when they're in an indie flick with Mr. Lundgren/Brent.

5. The best parts of the party, we got on video. Every other time was pretty boring.

6. The June bug/spider arrangement on the windowsill is a lot like school. The spider presides over us all, enforcing a way of life we do not want, and though the majority of us are not very bright, every now and then someone will fly high enough to accidentally hit the spider and send it careening over the edge.

That came out wrong. I give up.

What a week. What a crazy, tiring week. Obviously, I haven't posted in some time, but I wasn't really in the mindset. Taria is "vacationing," shall we say, and I am sitting at home trying to decide if, in fact, I should take a nap soon.

Last Saturday morning started the first of the four most emotionally taxing days of my life, to date. Pany called me around 11 - I had just gotten out of the shower, and I figured she was calling to remind me to return her Patti Is 40 shirt which I'd worn, but not yet washed. Pany called around 11 - to tell me a friend of mine, not real close, but still a friend, had been killed in a car accident. At first I couldn't place the name with a face. I'd always known Sam by his first name only. He was just Sam, who once worked at Pretzel Time and gave Colin and I free drinks, who was hanging out with Jayden at the Powerman 5000 concert two years ago, who told me we never got to talk enough once while he saw me walking to lunch. So when it finally clicked, the tears came, and I interrogated her (probably more harshly than I should have) on the validity of her sources. She said it was in the paper (it was), and his name wouldn't be in the article (it wasn't) because the authorities had yet to notify his parents.

Lindsey Jarzynka lives two houses up the street from me. She'd just given the news to Pany moments before and decided she should tell me in person, beacuse telling people over the phone seemed... cold and impersonal. Believe me, I wish there was no need to tell people news like that. I wish it had never happened, and news like that would just be a sick joke, one which I'd react by saying "Why would you say something like that?" But it did happen, and through the miracle of communication, news like that must be shared. I wish I had been told in person. I really needed someone there right then.

Lindsey got down here eventually, just as I was hanging up with Pany. We talked for a long time about Sam, about life and death. We washed our cars to clear our minds. The next three days went by quickly in retrospect, but at the time, my head felt like it was in this cloud, this strange cloud of disbelief and pain. At school on Monday, the teachers read us the school-sanctioned informative letter, and I almost cried. The office distributed photocopies with the two articles in the paper, the obituary, and a photo of Sam with his friends. I cried then, in study hall, when I saw it.

The wake was hard. Everyone was in so much pain, and my ride (Pany) couldn't stay in the room too long because she said she felt faint. We went to the crash site memorial for the first time on Monday. Somehow, I felt better when I was there. It was outdoors, in the sunshine, and there was just this multitude of stuff left for Sam. It was sad, still, but at the same time it was saying 'Sam mattered to us. To everyone driving by, at least understand that. Sam mattered to us so much.' The funeral was at 2 on Tuesday. Colin and I got out at noon to go have lunch and put flowers at the site. The service lasted an hour and some, and apparently the people who had come to pay their last respects to Sam numbered so many that there was a crowd forming outside the doors of the mortuary waiting to get in. Waiting to say goodbye. Seeing Sam in the casket... it was still so hard to finalize. It looked like a very well crafted doll. It was as if, any minute, Sam would just jump out from behind something and go, "Sorry about all of this, but isn't that fake me over there cool?" It hurt so, so much walking by that last time.

And so it closed, those four days. I'd like to go back out to the site again, just to visit, to see if our flowers have stood up to the past couple of days' rain. To Sam, I would like to say 'I miss you. And I feel so fortunate to have known you while you were with us.' But I'm sure he knows that. I hope he knew how much everyone loved him. His friendship extended to so many people, and all of us are trying to move on together.

^Aloha...

^Somehow, the need to be sacastic and witty and funny eludes me tonight. I can't get Sam off my mind. For all of you who don't yet know, he was killed in a car accident on Friday night. I am still in shock. I didn't make the connection that I had known him until this morning when I looked him up in the yearbook. Wow. What can I say but wow? When Vasta pointed him out to me I whispered "Oh shit," and burried my face in my hands. I cried. It's not a reaction I'm proud to showcase with the swearing and all, but it's what I did.

^Sam was one of those special people that you don't meet every day. When I moved here at second quarter of freshman year, I sat behind him in Hon French 1 with Buda. Mme Buda is not always the easiest person in the world to get along with. And all those times where I would say, "I hate this woman, I hate this class, I hate this school, I hate this city, I hate this life and I want to go back to Texas," Sam was the first one to make me laugh and tell me we were all in this together. I am eternally grateful to you for that, Sam.

^If you didn't know him, I wish you had. He was the kind of person that was just cool. And was cool with everybody else. NO matter who you were, he would always make you feel more than welcome - a quality not found in too many people in Millard North. And if he knew you, no matter on what level - from acquaintance to best amigo, he would make a point to say hey in the hall, no matter who he was with. Anyone could find a good time hanging out with Sam. Anyone.

^I still don't think it's actually soaked into my head yet. The little things are affecting me. I always saw him during passing period (between 6th and 7th) and he would always call me the Calculater Bandit (long inside joke I can't even remember) and it would always annoy me, but in a good way. And today, it was so quiet. And it hit me that he will never call me the Calculator Bandit again. I don't know if I can adjust to that. I don't know if I can adjust to those little things. Like the fact that I can't even remember why he called me the Calculator Bandit. Like writing my tales about our everyday encounters (like how he would dash upstairs on the way to 3rd hour - well I assume he was going to 3rd hour and punch me ) in past tense. Past Tense. Because they no longer happen. And they never will. It just doesn't feel right.

^I feel bad. As though I have let him down. I don't deal well with death. The last funeral I went to was my Father's when I was 9. I haven't been able to go to one since. This includes the other friends of mine that have passed away throughout the years. I thought this time would be different. I knew I could muster up the courage to go to his visitation and say "Goodbye..." When I turned onto 78th ( I think I might've been lost) I burst into tears and had to turn back. I couldn't do it. The thought of going to his funeral made me hyperventilate. I almost wrecked my car. I had to pull over. I just can't do it. I don't know why. I feel horrible. I feel like I should go. I can't. I can't. I am so sorry Sam. I hope I haven't failed you. I just wish you would call me the Calculator Bandit just one more time...

That is all...thank you.

Let's see... "EARN YOUR DEGREE ONLINE!" ... "Burn Fat While YOU Sleep!" (as if I was going to burn fat while someone else slept?) ... "Important" (funny, you would have thought that one would have come with an exclamation point) ... hm. I don't think Taria sent that survey to my hotmail account. Now I have to go dig through what must be piles of mail rotting in my AOL account. "Own Your OWN CASINO!!!" (...what?) ... "My naked home page! I was drunk, don't blame me!" (oh man, I'm not even going to bother with this one) ... Taria, which account did you send this damned email to?

.signs onto other two accounts.

Finally. 1 of 194 new messages. I should really check my mail more often. Let's see here...

1. Full name: Jennifer Natalie Go. It has a song. I myself, my person, have no song... just my name. I bet my grandmother, original holder of the name "Natalie," would be proud.
2. Birthday: 10 November 1984
3. Birthplace: Omaha, NE
4. Celebrity Crush: Jhonen Vasquez. Okay, he's not "famous" by a standard account, but it's all I could think of. I don't plan to spend all night thinking about this stuff, you know.
5. Favorite Band: Nine Inch Nails.
6. Favorite Female Singer: Shirley Manson - That's it! Hey Taria! I found my Gay Exception! Only, her accent is kind of creepy. Oh, nevermind. My Gay Exception category will forever be blank.
7. Favorite Male Singer: Trent Reznor
8. Favorite Actor: Johnny Depp, maybe? He's the only one I can think of right now, probably because 'From Hell' came out on DVD yesterday, and Rikki was all excited about owning it
9. Favorite Actress: I honestly don't think I have a favorite.
10. Best Friend(s): I don't think there really is an "Alpha-Friend" in this case...
11. Funniest Friend(s): If these people stand a chance of sticking around long enough to be called friends, they'd better have a sense of humor.
12. Loudest Friend(s): Same goes with being loud.
13. Friendliest Friend(s): I refuse to answer this on the grounds that it is redundant, and therefore a poorly worded question.
14. The friend you can confide in: I've told Lindsey lots of incriminating things... good thing she doesn't read this.
15. Your crush: Am I supposed to put Colin in this category, or does the "crush" label become invalid after an extended period of dating?
16. The last CD you bought: Bought - Nine Inch Nails "And All That Could Have Been" Aquired - Prodigy "Fat of the Land"
17. The last movie you saw in a theater: Death to Smoochy. It was bad, but I don't think it deserved zero stars like the newspaper said.
18. Your favorite tv show: Jeopardy
19. Your last vacation: San Francisco, last summer. Though I wouldn't call cleaning a deceased person's living quarters top to bottom a "vacation."
20. Your favorite Drink: Water.
21. Your favorite food: Mandarin Oranges, naked pasta, mint ice cream
22. Your favorite candy: Those sour gummy worms... and the mystery flavor Starbursts
23. Your favorite animal: Bloaty, the dead baby bird that's stuck in the gutter under my window.
24. Your favorite movie: Pi. Or Requiem For A Dream - see that movie and you will never, ever do drugs.
25. Your dream Car: My car right now, minus that mysterious dent over the passenger side door and that scratch on my fender from where I sideswiped that van in the parking lot of Dillard's last holiday season (yes, it was my fault, but that damn van also parked way too far into my space)
26. Your favorite book: 1984 or Brave New World. Brave New World is basically 1984 with more sex and drugs.
27. Your favorite number: 21
28. Your Favorite fast food place: BK
29. The CD in your cd player right now: The Faint "Danse Macabre"
30. What do you want to be when you "grow up": alive. also fed, clothed, and happy. the "happy" will probably be the hardest part, because as Taria knows, I am a naturally unhappy person.
31. Who was your first kiss?: It's embarassing enough that a couple people know. Posting it would only facilitate the spread of that awful, awful fact.

.sniffs.

Something in this room smells like swiss cheese. And if it's not me, then... I think I should go investigate this.

^Aloha (yay, Jen is alive. I was starting to wonder)

^By the way, Jen, the reason I report for Kiwibox.com is because writing/journalism is my second numero uno passion along with performing. And since I've been doing it my whole life, I really don't want to take remedial journalism to be on the newspaper staff, so I must content myself with this for now. I know the website is for 12-year-olds, but it lets me us my talents and will someday aide me in creating a portfolio of all my published works. It's like starting at the bottom (the very very very very bottom) and working my way up! So ppppppppppfffffffffffffftttttt!

^The lovely Kirsti Hanson sent me another one of the many little personal surveys floating about on the WWW. I filled it out and put it up so that we can all know a little bit more about me. By the way, I sent one to you, Jen. I expect to see it up here soon! Oh yeah, I sent one to you too, Davey. Thought it'd be cute for Obey The Fist. You're probably going to call me a slut and delete it...but such is life!

^Anyway, enjoy reading about me...and don't be afraid to take notes. You may be quized..wink wink. *But probably not.* And who knows - people that do well on the quiz may get a prize! *But probably not.* And we all love prizes..wink wink...nudge nudge.

>1) Full name: Taria Michelle Abram
>2) Birthday: April 2 (yay for aries)
>3) Birthplace: Champaign/Urbana (the Urbana side) IL b.c. the town I lived in (Rantoul) was so small it didn't have a real hospital.
>4) Celebrity Crush: Jimmy Fallon
>5) Favorite Band: there's so many..right now Incubus, SO2, and Yellow Peril
>6) Favorite Female Singer: hard to say...I'm into guy singers right now, but of course all my MN girls
>7) Favorite Male Singer: Brandon Boyd, Jimmy Fallon - not to mention some of my "all the time favorites" Sam Vasta, Elliott Erickson, John Stutznegger, Jeff and Joe Hoeft, Ben LeGrow and Mike Hinckley to name a few
>8) Favorite Actor: (there's so many!) Jimmy Fallon, though he may be more of a comedian - and of course all my MN boys
>9) Favorite Actress: (ahhh too many!) Tina Fey (comedian also...) - and once again my MN girls
>10) Best Friend(s): well the best out of all of them right now is...what? are you kidding? do you know how much trouble you get into if you name one person as your best friend? really...i hope you don't think i'm that stupid. besides, i love you all.
>11) Funniest Friend(s): well you're all pretty goofy
>12) Loudest Friend(s): Sammie makes funny noises...and they're loud sometimes
>13) Friendliest Friend(s): well aren't all of them friendly? or else how would they be my "friends?"
>14) The friend you can confide in: i can actually only think of about two that i can't confide in...and you're not one of them...most likely
>15) Your crush: tee hee hee
>16) The last CD you bought: Coldplay "Parachutes"
>17) The last movie you saw in a theater: Soroity Boys...oh man...oh man
>18) Your favorite tv show: you know, i see this question a lot and the one that has withstood the test of time is "The Simpsons"
>19) Your last vacation: Branson, woohoo!
>20) Your favorite Drink: i am a hardcore tea fan...ask david
>21) Your favorite food: i love all foods equally, except the nasty ones
>22) Your favorite candy: CHOCOLATE....ararragagaghahagg
>23) Your favorite animal: ferrets and hedgehogs (takes me back to when i was in 4th grade in TX, we had those as class pets)
>24) Your favorite movie: too many, but i did just see "Curse of the Jade Scorpion" man oh man oh man...just see it
>25) Your dream Car: if i could have the Malibu in black with a moon roof i could die happy
>26) Your favorite book: well there's 7 "The Chronicles of Narnia" you know which ones i'm talkin about...it's got "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe!"
>27) Your favorite number: 03, 17,19
>28) Your Favorite fast food place: BK
>29) The CD in your cd player right now: Incubus "Morning View"
>30) What do you want to be when you "grow up": actress, journalist, wife, mother, friend, hot, and you know, some other stuff
>31) Who was your first kiss?: Phillip..tee hee hee (oh man, you guys just don't understand that one)

That is all...thank you.

Blast, it has been awhile. Happy Mother's Day for you mothers out there. Whoever you may be (and if you are - why, oh why - are you reading this?)... I gave my mother a card and a promise to buy her purple flowers, which she told me she needed to "brighten up" the front porch. I looked around at Baker's yesterday, but they didn't have any hanging plants, and the ones at Ace Hardware looked like they'd been watered with... well... something with which one should not water flowers. Like urine... or bacon fat. I promised Mom I'd continue my search when it wasn't so miserable-feeling outside and all the flowers would be in generally better moods. And just so you know, I was not being a neglectful child in waiting until the last minute - she told me all week that she was "still thinking about just the right gift" for this year. And she told me yesterday. That's mom.

I was just looking over Taria's last couple of posts, and I took note of something... Kiwibox? If the "why, oh why" belongs anywhere in this post, then it most certainly belongs there. Forget that Mother's Day nonsense. Taria - KIWIBOX? I think we both used to frequent that site, if only to mock the lines of post dedicated to "why my mom makes me mad" and "that cute guy in my first hour class looked at me today."

.reasons with herself.

Well... I haven't been back there in awhile, so I'll give you the credit that it might have changed for the slightly more acceptable. But that's not a lot of credit, and I intend to visit the site just as soon as I'm done with this to check on its progress into... Quite honestly, as I remember it, it didn't seem like it *wanted* to progress anywhere. It seemed perfectly happy with where it was: a site designed "for teens by teens." A painfully shallow site designed "for teens by teens." But you are now a reporter for this Kiwi institution, and I congratulate you. If any of you work goes up on the site, I will visit and partake in its glory. BUT ONLY BECAUSE IT'S YOU.

see you on the 7th hour side of Monday...

^Aloha ( I wonder why Jen never posts anymore. I'm pretty sure she's alive...but only pretty sure)

^Yay! The Big Band Dance was last night. It was a good time. If you didn't come, then you suck. And you missed out on some great turtle cheese cake. Man oh man, was that good. A special thanks to Adam Witte for taking some time out of being 20 to come back and see us all!

^You know, I was thinkng, it's no big secret that I am a "social butterfly." I'm always flitting (yes, Mike, flitting...I'm still convinced that it means to scamper or frolic) from group to group and going out on weekends and the whatnot. But it's surprisingly nice and somewhat envigorating to just have some ME time. That's what today was. I slept until 2:30, then I got up and ate one of these little cookie things that my brother sent for Mother's Day (he's seriously making me look bad) and then I organized some papers, got online, and went back to bed. I ecourage everyone reading this to go and do that sometime. Now don't go and turn into Jen, who does that ALL the time. But every once in a while, it's pleasant.

^School is almost out. Graduation is June 2nd. Damn you seniors. Damn you.


That is all...thank you.

^Aloha ( I wonder what happens when I type that little p-thingy. I saw Davey do it yesterday and I thought I would try it. I think it makes paragraphs? At least I hope so)

^Whew, I'm all hot and/or sweaty. I just finished running and listening to teeny bopper music. I always bitch about how fat I am.... so ... well... And I figure I'd better keep putting the treadmill to use so Mother will stop complaining that I wasted her money. Holy crap, why the hell did I ever ask for a treadmill?

^Went and saw Rodeo at the JCC tonight. It was great. Very entertaining. I thought everyone did a fantastic job. There were a few that just blew me out of the water. I knew Nacho loved dance, but I never knew she was so good. Selzle was just a sexy beast up there. Very graceful. A "WOW, CHECK THAT GUY OUT" dancer if I do say so myself. And I do.... Then there was Sara. Ms. Schweid was spectacular. She's incredible. I had no idea she could dance like that. Why didn't anyone tell me this? You know how I hate to be left in the dark. Her point looked right on and she has some of the most gorgeous body lines when she dances. And we all know dance is about those silly body lines. If you ever get the chance to see Sara in a ballet, you definitely should.

^On a side note, the AP tests are currently underway. I meant to wish all you silly fools that are actually taking them good luck beforehand, but I didn't. So here you go: Good luck all you silly silly fools.

^On another side note, Districts for track were tonight. I don't know who all is on the team, here are the ones I can remember: Rachel McCune, Rachel Maly, Jenny Junk, Ashley Poore, Cora (from 3rd hour)...good luck to all o' you. I don't know how anyone did, but I hope you all made me proud.

^Ah yes, I have a bit of sad news to let you in on tonight. I have been saddened to find that Will Ferrell is leaving the cast of Saturday Night Live after a lovey and fruitful 7 years on the show. I am somewhat concerned. Who is going to poke fun @ George W now? He's in office for another 2 years... how are we to make it through? Do the right thing, Will. I think you know what I mean...

^ I've taken on another pursuit today. I am now a reporter for KiwiBox.com.It's a huge website designed "for teens by teens." It's got some good stuff in it. Overall I think it might be a little teeny-bopperish but not, if that makes sense. I applied for the job because I love to write. It's my other passion. I'm supposed to write and submit articles on "things that are relevant in teens' lives." If the artcles are good, then they get published on the site. Should be an interesting experience. I'll inform you when/if my stuff is published. Anything that's rejected, I'll put up on my aol homepage. That way you can still read it... if you care.

^I can't think of anything else to talk about. Plus I'm tired. Plus I need to take a shower. This equation equals me not typing any more and you not reading any more. You're still reading aren't you? And I'm still typing.

That is all...thank you.

^Aloha (alas, I have decided to post once again.i am feeling somewhat..i don't know...inspired. but that could just be because I haven't been getting enough sleep)
^I just feel like I need to say that life is good. And I appreciate and love everyone I know that helps to make it that way. I feel like I'm moving into a wiser place in life. I like that. I also feel like I'm moving into a happier place in life. I really like that. Sophomore year sucked hardcore for various vicious, deep and scarring reasons that I won't go into right here and now...(I suppose you could ask if you really wanted to know) and to finally be able to say that I am coming out of that is as though I am feeling the warmth of sunshine on my face for the first time.
^Another upside to all this is that I'm feeling more inspired as a writer. I don't feel like I've written anything of good calibur in quite a long time. Writer's Block is packing up and moving out of the three story mansion it built in my heart. I like that. (And that means more Gospels are a' comin' for all you followers out there.)
^Last, but according to the cliche...not least, I'm becoming a different person. Par example (French sneaking out there) the whole nice thing. Anyone who thinks I am all mean doesn't know me that well. There is another side in there. A good side, if you will. The side that wants nothing more than to love and nurture and give. The side that is always there if you need anything ever...even at one in the morning (right Beth?). The side that is a girl (haha David). The side that is always ready to help and be there to talk...even if talking is just me sitting there and listening and never saying a word, if that's what you need. Yeah, she's in there. I usually don't let her out much. She gets hurt. SO I put up the super, extra sarcasm as a fence...a nice little fence with very jagged edges and lots of volts running through it. BUT...I think I might let that other side come out and play more often. People seem to be intrigued by her. I like that.
^There are a lot of things I like right now..I like that.

That is all...thank you.

^Aloha (yeah, so I aleady tried to post during 7th hour and I had everything all typed up and ready to go, then I thought I would punish David/Davey/Davis for all their wrong doings by putting on my Hanson cd, then God punished me by causing me to accidently delete my entire post... so here we go again & jen, way to be productive)
^Life has slowed to a crawl at the moment. Everything I committed to has occured, with the exception of the Big Band Dance this Friday, which everyone should come to! SO here I am with all this time in the evenings with nothing to do. So I nap. Naps are good. The world would be a better place if we all just took a nap once in a while. High school would be so much more pleasant if there were just one hour allotted for naptime....crap, now I've gone and made myself tired.
^Speaking of being tired, I am sick and tired of not seeing the yellow sweater, Sam. I don't care what Megan says... we had the yellow sweater fan club way before you two started dating... Now it's getting a little too warm to wear it. See what you've done? You've wasted your chance. But don't think you're getting off easy b.c. it's summer and you're going off to college. I expect to see you this fall, at the musical, FOR ALL 4 PERFORMANCES, WEARING THAT SWEATER! DO YOU HEAR ME????
*Taria: psssst, David, do you have to hover while I'm typing?
*David: yes, it's annoying as hell isn't it? (glare)
^Anyway...so I've taken on a new pursuit. I am being nice for the entire week.It's proving to be harder than I thought. Now you may ask why I would want to be nice to anyone...it is me after all. Well it all started when I was reading my winter play posters. I happened upon Mike Hinckley's message which I noticed included "you are so......nice." And as I kept reading, I noticed that more and more of the notes had the "you are so nice" business and commented on the pleasantness of my nature. And I thought to myself, "I'm not really nice at all. At least, I try not to be." You know, I used to be completely nice back in Wichita Falls, but now I'm the sarcastic one with plenty of smarta** comments to spare. I wonder if this is who I really am, or if it's just a coping mechanism I employed when I moved to Omaha. I don't know. I am testing the waters of nicety. I am not sure if I will like it. Wish me luck. I need it.
^Earlier, I wrote a whole sentimental paragraph about the seniors, I am not feeling that way any more. Maybe next time, kids. Maybe next time.

^I will never again play Hanson while posting...

^At least not until tomorrow.

That is all...thank you!

Did you know Carrie Fisher was saved by the Heimlich Maneuver? Well, she was. And so was I. No, just kidding, I wasn't... but through my internet browsings, I have learned how I would go about saving myself if, one day, I happen to inhale a cookie at the next forensics tournament. Okay, I lied about the "internet browsings" thing too. "Internet browsings" implies I looked up this information of my own free will. In reality, I had to research the Heimlich Maneuver for a Human Physiology assignment. But I did aquire vauble knowledge, and that's what counts.

Wow, Saturday feels nice. I slept til 11. I wish my brain would start functioning normally, though. It keeps drifting off mid-thought. At first, I figured it was because I hadn't eaten yet, but I just had lunch and it's still doing it. It's becoming very frustrating, because I'm trying to draw this damned Heimlich Maneuver pamphlet and instead of thinking about little genderless figures saving each other's lives, I keep remembering websites I haven't visited in a length of time. And then there's this matter of posting. Right now, as I type, I'm supposed to be finishing the pamphlet.

Well, darnit, life just doesn't quit, does it? I have to use the restroom now. And we all know that the restroom is the ultimate distraction.

.sighs.

I have no idea what I meant by that. Just goes to show you! I'm not thinking properly today! I think I need to take a break from the technology and go outside. Of course, I'll use the restroom before I leave.

^Aloha (oh Jen, I remember those good good days of summer school...Ryan Coppi, The Gospels, Snapple, and my paroled suitor...The Twelve Days of Summer School...oh what great times.)
^Holy crap, school is almost out for the year. I don't know what I'm going to do with all that extra time I'll have. Maybe I'll do something that will someday better the world...and maybe not. Probably not. I will sleep a lot. And that will make for a less obnoxiously grumpy Taria. Don't get me wrong, I will still be an evil evil b***h, but I won't be less "fussy." So I guess that is kind of bettering the world. In a strange, strange, sort of manner.
^ I don't have anything to do this weekend. I am somewhat apprehensive. I just know I'll get myself into trouble. I just know it. Maybe if I stay online all three days I'll be okay. Maybe not. Probably not.
^ Owww! Holy crap, I can't stand freshmen!
^ Jen, we need to get to work on Senior Realizations...I'm excited to do Paging Captain Obvious, so we have to do this one soon....yea!

That is all...thank you.

Happy Friday. There are exactly 20 days of sweet,sweet educating left til freedom. No, I lie, til summer school. But summer school has held so many wonderful memories for me, I could not simply get by labeling it as "hell." An alternate, fluorescent hell, perhaps, but nowhere near as bad as standard schooling. Now that I think about it, summer school has become quite the tradtion for me. Between Freshmen and Sophomore year, Taria and I discovered why it is we "do not win." Between Sophomore and Junior year, Richelle and I taught the Cross Training I and II classes how to rave "aerobically." One can only wonder what is in store for me this year, taking Civics and Weight Training.

Blast... I think my classmates have caught on.

.gasp!.

She's not just sitting there staring at a blank monitor! Do something! She looks too alive! Put her in a small, uncomfortable bag!

Yep, that's exactly what they said. Either way, I should probably get going. Until next time, friends.

^Aloha (yes Jen, there is cold chicken...there is)
^You must forgive me for not posting for so long. Life captured me and held me in it's little prison for the entire weekend. I just now escaped. I am thinking about going back. The music office is chaotic. There are 17 different somewhat intertwining conversations going on and Sam is riding around on a rolling chair squealing like a little schoolgirl and making siren noises. I worry about him sometimes.
^ Prom was prom. I looked damn hot, I have to say. It was nice to see all those hours of fighting and all those broken bones and all that blood that was shed by and through JCB finally came to good use. After-prom was...well...special. I spent most of the night randomly making my way about the school. I spent a good chunk of my time drinking in the "I can't sing well but since there is a microphone I am going to anyway and embarrass myself in front of many people and cause their ears to bleed" room. Holy crap. That's all I have to say about that. Kara and I had a rather good time. Around 3:15 in the morning, the hypnotist took the stage. Out of the approximately 30 people on stage, I think maybe 2 of them were really under any sort of hypnotic suggestion. *A note to Salem and Spencer: You can only land in each other's crotches so many times before it gets obvious that you're either inwardly homosexual and attracted to each other, or that YOU'RE JUST FAKING IT!
^After after-prom, I think I went to Laura's house and I think her mother made us monkey bread. I can't figure out whether that was real or a dream...if it wasn't real, then dream-world monkey bread is sooo good.

Note from Jen: Pizza and robots! ...And that fact gathering fool!

-Jen, don't write in my postings when I'm not looking!

^I have successfully made it through April. I win! YOU LOSE, APRIL, YOU LOSE!

That is all...thank you.

I have concluded something: Though Mondays are usually regarded as "undesirable" days, Tuesdays are a lot worse. Why? Because after a weekend of sleeping in, one is able to awaken at ungodly hours of the morning on Monday without too much fuss. But Tuesday? Tuesday reminds you that you not only have to get up again, but you have to keep going to school... for the rest of the week.

Prom went... hm... it went. There were hideous punch fountains that spewed what was either weakly flavored sugar substance or colored water that was for decoration only. All in all, I had fun. And in my four obsessive hours at the After Prom bingo table, I won a stationary set, a license plate frame, a Fossil wallet, and a bag of candy for being in the right place at the right time.

Well, it's about that time. Yeah, you heard me, THAT time. Expect to hear from Taria soon. If I could drag myself from the warm, bed-like embrace of laziness, then it should not be too hard for her to join me in the cold, painful world of reality. Join me, Taria! There's cold chicken here!

Mmmhmm, that crazy prom. You never can tell with that prom. I just finished painting my nails (fingers AND toes). I feel all feminine and have this strange urge to shop, wear glitter, and go tanning. Oh well, it's for a special occasion, and the color is so dark of a red it almost looks like I clawed someone's eyes out with my fingers and toes. And that takes talent. I still have to go buy concealer (which every female wearing makeup MUST have to cover up those darned little imperfections). The last batch of makeup I had came from freshman year, when I actually took the time to put on that sludge in the morning... I really don't think, after three years, that it was still, er, "good."

Well, I suppose my digits are dry enough. Time to take a drive to Target! Maybe I'll see Jeff.

.thinks about seeing Jeff.

Maybe I'll go to Walgreens instead.

^Aloha ~ (those last three posts were the handiwork of Brucifer and Chris Hurd...Jen neglected to sign out and those two were poking around and well, here we are.)
^ Holy crap, Incubus was last night. It was phenomenal. It was amazing. It was everything I wanted it to be and so much more. I spent 98% of my time at the concert at the very front next to the bar. My battle scars are awesome. Brandon Boyd is so hot in person. Incubus rocks my face off. I am giddy with the thought of it. Enough said.
^Prom is this weekend. It's supposed to be cold, cold, and rainy. I am very excited. I like the rain. I also like to watch the girls whine about all the waterworks and how it's just ruining their night. Ha ha... Speaking of water, a pipe burst under 17th street (the entrance to the Double Tree, where the even is being held) and it is now closed. Some people are freaking out. I am laughing. Laughing. Laughing. Laughing. And hard. Man, at this rate, prom is going to be great. Not because it's going to be a great affair or anything but just simply because there will be so many people for me to laugh at. Life is good. Nabs wants her computer back. I might post later...

That is all...thank you.

I am another random person posting. Check out my own hell at Yay For Potholes . Okay, I'm done!

queso

hello.
i am a random person posting
muahahaahaaaaaaaaa

Good day. I am determined to post before Taria, who is busily typing away on a computer just behind and to the left of me. She has paused her communication briefly to banter with others who have just entered the room, and so I move into the lead. My Introduction to Behavioral Science class is watching this movie called "The Wave." It's about this teacher who was trying to teach his classroom how easily Hitler brainwashed so many people. The guy ended up turning his classroom into a cult. Apparently, this happened to an actual class somewhere, and the teacher wrote a book about it which ended up as the screenplay for the movie we're watching. This disturbs me. This disturbs me greatly. Who's really to say kids today aren't succeptible to a similar sort of verbal nonsense? I think I will go somewhere else... I don't want to think about this any more.

Oh, yes... prom is this weekend. It's going to be cold and rainy. Whee...

^Aloha~ (we are almost done with April, and I think I am winning the war....shhhh...don't tell anyone I said that.)
^There is no worse feeling in the world than regret. Don't ask why. Just trust me on this one. I suppose sometimes in life you have only one card to play and that card just isn't the right one. That's okay. It builds character. Can you tell I am avoiding admitting the truth to myself? "Like the plague..." hmmm Davey, now I know how Rachel must feel.
^Prom is this weekend. I am absolutely miserable. I have sworn to myself that I would go to prom and I would like it, no matter what. That is getting harder. I would much rather stick my head in a garbage disposal and boil myself in a vat of Coca Cola. Wow, that is sad. I have no good excuse to be so stupid about the whole thing... except that I can be... and so I will be. For now at least. Give me until next Monday...I will be fine. But until then...eh, not so much.
Last chance
A missed chance
And I can't help but look back and feel the wonder
And ask the what ifs
Pretend this never happened
Avoid it like the plague
And act as though my insides weren't ripped out
^It's funny the things that spill out of an open mind.

That is all...thank you.

^Aloha~ (jen, funny you should mention the random imploding of things, seeing as how we then had that fire alarm)
^In other news, tonight was nothing short of some wisdom being restored back into my mind that had been taken over by Ap Chem equilibrium equations.Why is it that we as humans must struggle to let life take on the course that is was meant to? There is little we can do in and of our own meaningless powers to change what ultimately must come to pass. We can worry and frown and fret until we find ourselves literally ill from the extra stress we have taken on emotionally. We can drown an entire race of people with our bitter tears. We can bend over backwards and manipulate until we've woven a web that is phenomenally more complex than the universe itself. Yet none of these things - in the end - can alter the flow of what we know is life. I am not saying that you should not be proactive. You should do what it is that you can to make things turn out positively, but there is a thin line between that and the way most of us handle things. Now this is no new theory. This is nothing that I'm sure isn't expessed in at least ten thousand works and literature. And still we grapple with the idea of letting go. I am reminded of some parable out of my childhood - I shall rephrase it:
^There was once a man who discovered gold in the depths of tree. He reached his hand into a hole in the bark of the tree to pull it out, but when he grasped his fortune, he could no longer remove his hand. He tried every position possible, but could not free himself. The jagged tree bark scrached his arm to the point of blood; it was hopeless. The man was in excruciating pain... he could take it no longer. Resigned, he let go of the gold and his hand slid easily out. He was much happier to have his hand than to have the gold, which was easily removed later.
^In life, we cling so tightly to what we think we need and or want. Sometimes we want that thing so badly that we lose sight of the damage we are doing. Instead of loosening our holds on that which is out of our control, we cling only tighter until we have scratched our souls to the point of agony. At this point, there are some song lyrics that come to my mind (From "Let It Go" by the Newsboys) I hope these lyrics aren't offensive to you. Just allow yourself to think upon their meaning as it can be attributed to experiences in your life...

Will you forgive?
Will you forget?
Will you live what you know?
Beneath the cross,
you hear his words,
"Father forgive them."
And you know
you can't understand it.
Let it go.

^Forgve the fact that what you think you may need is only what you want. And it may not come to you when you want it to. Forget how badly you seem to want it, for you have lived this long without it and surely you will not die now. You know it is not good for you to cling so tightly... so why can't you let it go? In your life, you must come to understand that there is so much that you cannot understand. And you must let it go.

That is all...thank you.

Happy Thursday, fourth hour, at good ol' Millard North. Just a bit over half way through Crazy Week. Man, I don't want to be here, but who does? In retrospect, I realize I probably should have just foregone the going to school business of today. In the three and a half hours I have been here, nothing significant or noteworthy has happened. I have learned nothing. Go figure. Maybe something will implode at lunch.

Bye now.

Mmm, the sweet non-school related texture of Tuesday. It feels... like relaxation kicked stress square in its little ass. It feels like summer. And this cannot be a good thing, for it is merely April and after Crazy Week, we're back in school every day until the end of May. Oh well... more learning for me! Take that all you useless lumps who're getting out of school earlier than I, for my head will be full to the brim with delicious knowledge come May 30, and yours will be... off... sleeping somewhere. Damn you.

My cold (which came in the clever disguise of seasonal allergies) has moved into my respiratory tract, and oh boy, does it ever hurt to breathe. I'm coughing all the time now, and until today, the elders of my household hadn't the opportunity to hear it. Well, they were out of the house when I woke up, and maybe I can get all the coughiness out of my lungs by the time they return. Otherwise, they'll know I was wrong. I insisted all weekend that I needed Claritin (the kind that dissolves on your tongue!) to combat my fierce springtime allergies, and I was wrong. What a terrible secret. I should go hide.

Oh, and Taria - whatever terrible little gossip demon is plaguing you, it has yet to whisper its filthy secrets into my ears. I really don't mind not knowing. But I wish you luck with your Prom goodness.

Aloha~
Consider yourself warned. Jen and I have enlisted the help of Davey to make our small island...well...less sucky{pssst, Jen... Ghetto.Wyndham...flying middle finger...tee hee hee}. So we'll be trying things out and deciding that Queefy McQueeferton must have had a hand in things, so we'll change it back...and then we'll remember why we didn't like it in the first place and changing it to something entirely different. This could take a while. Don't be surprised if this looks a little different every time you come back. What we have now is rough. Very rough. Surprisingly achievable level of roughness. Don't bitch about it to me. I don't care. No one ever built an island right the first time. {And yes, Sammie I will have a forum just for you. I was thinking maybe it could even have a title pertaining to you. Got ideas? Let me know}
Day one of crazy week is over and I am still alive, I think. What did I learn today? I have a big f****ing mouth and Fate likes to laugh at me. Before the day started 4 people knew of the trouble at hand. At 12:27 AM, 12 people know. This worries me. I get petrified when 1 person knows. I am screwing myself in the ear, I just know it. Hell, at this point, I may as well round it up to 13 and figure that he knows. Ackum.
And now I will devote a paragraph to a friend. I think this will be another tradition of mine. Who knows...but anyway, this paragraph will celebrate Kara {now after you read this, your assignment is to go and read Sonnet 30 by Shakespeare}. Man, she is one of the coolest ever. I love that girl. Ever since freshman french with Buda, she's been dragging me - mostly kicking and screaming - through high school. I know I can go to her with anything and she seems to know just what to do. And we even share thought bubbles...isn't that special...As far as I can tell, there aren't proficient words I can use to describe our friendship. Where would I be without Kara? Remember that top ten things I love about Kara list? Yeah, you should keep that, because it's all true. Now if only one of our evil schemes would actually work. I'll try not to foul this one up - but I promise nothing. Word.
*watch now as laziness prevails* {are you watching?}
The Countdown Continues
1. wait
2. a
3. minute.
4. I just started the countdown yesterday.
5. If you really want to know how many days are left until each of the aforementioned events,
6. just take yesterday's numbers and subtract one day.
7. really, why didn't you think of that sooner?
8. tsk tsk tsk...

That is all...thank you.

Aloha~ We are officially two weekends down - two to go. I am holding steady. April, you haven't kicked my ass completely...yet.
So you know what reallysucks? When you like someone...then you stop liking them...and by God, you swear that you will never never like this person again (yeah, right, Kara) - and then lo and behold, you discover your evil plan has failed and you are attracted to this person again. Dammit. It's those damn warm nights and moonlit skies filled with endless stars that did it. I was just going to the cast party to have a good time and celebrate a job well done. Of course not. That would be too easy. Kara thinks I should ask him to prom. I don't know about that. I do, after all, retain the title of the world's biggest chicken. And also, I would feel bad if I made him come wih my friends to dinner...but I do know his friends...and we could combine groups....awwww damn, I don't know what to do {See, high school, this is why I hate you !}
Yeah, so The Crucible was this weekend. Man, we kicked our own asses we were so good. That was the best production I've ever been in. That's really all you can say about it....it was phenomenal. I had a blast. It was kind of a downer, because that was the last time I'll get to share the stage with the seniors...but alas, such is life. I got some amazing compliments and a big thanks goes out to everyone who complimented me and believed... I could not have asked for more than what this experience has given me.
Enough of that deep like the ocean business...this week is crazy week. If you don't go to Millard North, don't bother asking or wondering why...you are best left in the dark. Insanity, here we come!
Hmmm...I think I am going to make a list of things we are counting down to...I have 27 minutes to fill until South Park comes on so why not?
The Countdown Begins...
1. Senior Skip Day ~ 4 days
2. District Music Contest ~ 4, 5 and 6 days
3. Incubus w/ Hoobastank ~ 11 days
4. Prom ~ 13 days
5. Drammies (w/ Mel and Mike hosting) ~ 15 days
6. May ~ 16 days
7. Variety Show (w/ Carrie and Davey hosting) ~ 22 days
8. Beginning of reign as senior ~

That is all...thank you.

Hoo whee, it's a-cookin' out there in the real world. Looks to be even hotter tomorrow, one of the two days we have to be in school next week. 87 degrees in April? Unheard of! And also uncomfortable!

Psst... Taria. I went to the play on Saturday - it was truly well done. Even Colin liked it. Wait... does that detract from the validity of the goodness of the play? I guess I'll leave that up to you.

Aloha...hott damn...I knew I'd mess this thing up sooner or later. SO that was actually me and not Jen that posted last (the one with the things I hate). And I need to change the time on these things. Not that you care...but I do...and I am what matters. Have a nice day. Odds are I will post more during 7th hour social club.

That is all. Thank you.

Aloha...Alas, everyone, I would like to introduce you to someone, like it or not. This is Jen, or rather, THAT was Jen. That was her post. Very insightful. Go read it...now. READ IT!! Why haven't you done my bidding yet? I'm waiting...
I have officially decided that there are things in the world that I hate. Not that I "strong despise," or "can't stand" ... things that I hate. Here they are:
Sam Vasta
people with names that rhyme with Mennifer Builer
gay guys that are hott that also have hott boyfriends...what a waste of penis
sluuuuuuuuutahs (tee hee hee)
prom and anything that has any relation whatsoever to it (an explanation of that one is on my webpage @ Aol)
small children
The Newsies

eh, I guess I don't really hate Sam...he has such a nice butt..

That's all I can think of at the moment...I might post later. I'd better get out of here for now, the administration are starting to look at me. I think they know what I'm up to...they might try and come and talk to me if I'm not careful. Then I'd have to kill them. In a hurry. And what fun would that be? And oh how messy...

That is all. Thank you.

Psst... Taria. You don't match today. I hope the fashion demons get you. I hope they get you goood.

.pause.

I wish our school clocks would just settle on one time. I'm losing faith in the administration, here. Like it would have been so hard to've set the clocks to daylight savings time on Friday, before we left. This is the fourth time they've reset the clocks in two days. It was frustrating to see that damn thing cycle through all 12 hours last period only to watch the office lady miss the correct time - AGAIN - by a minute. It never ends. That's a good summary for life in general. "It" never ends. Either get used to "it" or... explode?

Okay so I made this thing last night, but of course I managed to mess it up. So here is the introductory blog that I had intended to post. I'll also post something again later tonight. Enjoy.

~ What have I gotten myself into this time?
Aloha...So right...yeah...I made my own blogspot. I don't know why I did this. I don't need one. I don't even think I really want one, but I have it. Now what the hell should I do with it?
I know what you're thinking: I copied Davey. Maybe I did, who knows? But the fact is that I am so much cuter than he is that it doesn't even matter. What I would really like is to post on Obey the Fist, but Davey is busy coming up with reasons why I can't right now. Maybe he'll see this and decide to let me post. You should all email (psychobob@tconl.com) and tell him so.
So who am I? I am Taria. You will find me briefly mentioned in Davey's blog, Obey the Fist. I am not exactly sure what else to tell you about me. So I will end this paragraph now. I'm sure you'll find out more than you ever wanted to know pretty soon. If you are impatient and you need to know now, you can check out my homepage over at Hell...I mean...Aol...no, I was right the first time.
I'm not exactly sure what I want this whole blogspot to be about. Forgive me, I don't know a whole lot about this whole thing. Damn technology. I think I might want Jen and/or Sam to post here too, we'll see. If you have any ideas, you should email me about them (psychurmind101@aol.com). I just might care, chances are I won't. It's worth a shot...
Well for now I should go think about what I have gone and gotten myself into. Besides, South Park is coming on and I think it's either going to be "The Butters Show" or the episode where Russell Crowe has his own show where he beats people up around the globe. How can you go wrong? I will leave you with these few words...this is for all who went to Branson:
There is no place like Intenet,
Dear ol' Intenet High!
Red, orange, and brown will take you down...
And everybody knows, you don't f**k with the 'Rows!!!!!!!!!
Dear Intenet, we love you!
Oh, yes we do...GO 'ROWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is all, thank you.