^ One more thing. I still dislike people. And let me tell you that it really bites quite a bit when you create something for someone and they abandon you without effort to make things better or even so much as a "thanks." I'm rethinking my willingness to be nice to... people. It seems to only get me screwed over. And I don't like being screwed over. It sort of itches.

^ So Jennifer, I hope you are completely happy with the new life you've created for yourself. Because in the process you lost a great friend. And I know that means nothing to you, because you seem to have the inability to take one look outside yourself and realize that the things you do affect other people and you can't just go around using people until you have fulfilled yourself and wreaking havoc in the world in the process. And I know it's useless to say these things because you have to come to the maturity of the realization on your own, but it makes me feel better to say it. And I think it is due time for me to start doing things that make /me/ feel good. I have wasted too much time considering your feelings and how I could try and do my part to make things right in the world over what is was that I needed to feel good. I need to make up for that time.

^That is all...thank you

^ Aloha fair...peoples. I am not a dork, nerd, or geek deep down inside. I'm not sure what's down there, but it's none of the above.

^ I know I have been absent for some time. I apologize for the excess laziness, but the total upheaval of my life as I have known it tends to make me a little tired. Anyway, I won't spend too much time musing on the days of yore and just say that my social life as I had come to know it has officially expired; replaced with enough drama to fill out MTV's programming schedule for close to the rest of my life. But HAZAA! (cue ominous lightning and thunder) In the former social life's absence, a new, far less defined and therefor far less restrictive, and in my opinion just plain better social experience has popped up.

^ I think I have made it past the "trauma" phase where I am flustered and frustrated over trying to fix everything and have settled fairly nicely into just going with the flow. I fgure that in 5 weeks when I leave I won't remember half the shit that's been going on, so why stress over it? I have to admit that the new attitude has done wonders for me, including lowering my blood pressure in the last two or three weeks from 142/84 to 112/64.

^Really, I'm not kidding about that blood pressure. Who would have thought that apathy could do a body so good?

^I feel an ad campaign coming on...

^ That is all...thank you.

galactic conquest is here.

oh, hell. i should not still be awake.

the 4th of july was another day spent communing with nature. for the most part. after "winning" 1976's ever so morbid titanic board game against alan and steve (my slouchy green porter, who rescued 4 passengers, three barrels of water, and two crates of food while having island/sea adventures, managed to paddle the lifeboat to the rescue ship first), building a massive furniture fort, and watching things get blown up, i should really not still be awake.

not to mention i promised to be conscious at some ungody prenoon hour today so i could recieve help building my new blog. well, looks like the wisest option right now is sleep, so i'm off... to... allow my head to play out wacky adventures for me while my body rests. whee.

rachel's cabin: two incarnations of the s.s. s.a.r.s. complete with a water-retaining sword, a pirate flag (which was really more tyler's cape than anything else), and a bunch of fun noodles. i was thisclose to stepping on them fishies. and on the long journey home, i got to sing along to the rent soundtrack with a guy. correction, with my boyfriend. the concept which, if you look at it objectively, just seems pretty fucking awesome. but maybe that's just because i would have never dreamed of singing along to *anything,* much less a musical about aids, with colin. sometimes, pleasantly surprising stuff like that just has to happen to remind me what a different relationship situation i'm in. i guess three years in the same place makes being given the opporunity to sing a couple cheesy duets seem like heaven. but oh well, this is my head we're talking about, it's not supposed to make sense.

also... after waiting a little over a week (in business days) for the infamous (and absent) shirts, i found out today through the site's faq that all clothing is made to order, a process which takes 9-12 business days. and so i have learned that instead of wasting anticipation on arrival all week, i should have probably limited my anticipation to cheering on the general existence of these purchased items. so, according to my wicked math (and calendar browsing) skills, alan's t-shirt and my hoody thing which proudly proclaim "what the world needs more of is science" should arrive... sometime next week. or never. never is always possible.

and now, it is that time: the time to stop snacking on the frosted mini wheats i raided from the kitchen, brush my teeth, and go to bed... for there is much to be done later today, and many items just crying out to be blown up. listen... can you hear them?

finished stranger in a strange land like... five minutes ago. what a book. i see how easily it can clarify a belief system - it sort of reiterated a couple of things i'd already felt about life and religion and whatnot. anyhow, i've been scouting around online, playing with the idea of starting my very own blog before i leave for college. i know taria doesn't post anymore, but she still has control over the majority of the inner workings of this page. that syntax error...*thing* !! it yells at me every time i try to access this site! i don't understand it, but i'm pretty sure i could wheedle someone else into fixing it if i had that level of access. so... if anyone wants to volunteer to coach jen-who-does-not-play-well-with-technology during her great schism with get off my island, feel free to make your intentions known to me. i'll love you forever... in a mostly platonic "i'll be grateful but probably only do something nice like cover your food or a movie once" sort of way. but still... the satisfaction of aiding in my web logging independence should be good enough. if all else fails, i pay in family fun center tokens and peanut m&ms.

damnit. now i'm done with stranger, i can no longer hide from the deathgrip of the iliad. this *college* business... man.