^Aloha...Grandma's food...oh jesus!
^grumble. can't sleep any more. someone called at 8:30 this morning and hung up when i answered. fuck that shit. don't people know that they should NEVER make phone calls before noon? especially to a college student...so now i am annoyed, and will make you annoyed by continuing to type without propper use of capitalization. sorry, that's just the way it's got to be.
^as you well-know, i have been much of the emotional persuasion lately. i did a little snooping and found a little something from american beauty that i thought kind of summed it all up:
...There's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I fee like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst...and then I remember to relax, stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude...
^maybe it's because of this whole ian business, or because of all that's been going on in the show (or lack thereof at this point, it being over and all), or because it's the end of the semester, or because i'm just still a little delirious from being sick, but i've got that strange feeling again. no, mary, not THAT one...that got all cleared up...wink, wink...but from time to time i feel like i'm full of something and that i'm on the verge of it all just exploding from me. i know that sounds less than brill and perhaps slightly like a made for tv movie, but i honestly can't describe it any other way. and to top things off, i've been listening to colorblind (counting crows) so you KNOW it must be bad.
^there's so much more i want to talk about...real things that happened and whatnot, but classes await me...i will (of course) leave you with more lyrics.
i am colorblind
coffee black and egg white
pull me out from inside
i am ready
i am ready
i am ready
i am taffy stuck and tongue tied
studder shook and uptight
pull me out from inside
i am ready
i am ready
i am ready
i am fine
i am covered in skin
no one gets to come in
pull me out from inside
i am folded amd unfolded and unfolding
i am colorblind
coffee black and egg white
pull me out from inside
i am ready
i am ready
i am ready
i am fine...
Tuesday, November 25, 2003
Sunday, November 23, 2003
^Aloha...Brett Bretterson IS real, he just goes by his codename: Brett Mann
^And now for something completely different: ANOTHER SONG... (there is an actual post somewhere down there if you want to skip these lyrics)
Make me a witness
Take me out ... out of darkness -
Out of doubt.
I won't weigh you down with good intentions -
Won't make fire out of clay,
Or other inventions.
Will we burn in heaven like we do down here?
Will the change come while we're waiting?
Everyone is waiting.
And when we're done soul searching
And we carry the weight ... and die for a cause -
Is misery made beautiful right before our eyes?
Will mercy be revealed -
Or blind us where we stand?
Will we burn in heaven like we do down here?
Will the change come while we're waiting?
Everyone is waiting.
^I am SO unhappy right now. Tonight is the night of the cast party for my first show and guess where I am: my mother fucking room. My voice is absolutely gone and I still have a show to do tomorrow - drinking copious amounts of alcohol would certainly not be appropriate at this juncture. But OH how I want to go. This was going to be the best party I'd been to so far AND there was going to be a certain someone there that I would very very very much like to be with tonight. BUT NO.
^Hey, does anyone remember that time when on Halloween weekend this year Jacob and Kara and then Laura had the biggest parties of the semester and I couldn't go because I was in the hospital? Oh yeah...about that...
^That is all...thank you.
^And now for something completely different: ANOTHER SONG... (there is an actual post somewhere down there if you want to skip these lyrics)
Make me a witness
Take me out ... out of darkness -
Out of doubt.
I won't weigh you down with good intentions -
Won't make fire out of clay,
Or other inventions.
Will we burn in heaven like we do down here?
Will the change come while we're waiting?
Everyone is waiting.
And when we're done soul searching
And we carry the weight ... and die for a cause -
Is misery made beautiful right before our eyes?
Will mercy be revealed -
Or blind us where we stand?
Will we burn in heaven like we do down here?
Will the change come while we're waiting?
Everyone is waiting.
^I am SO unhappy right now. Tonight is the night of the cast party for my first show and guess where I am: my mother fucking room. My voice is absolutely gone and I still have a show to do tomorrow - drinking copious amounts of alcohol would certainly not be appropriate at this juncture. But OH how I want to go. This was going to be the best party I'd been to so far AND there was going to be a certain someone there that I would very very very much like to be with tonight. BUT NO.
^Hey, does anyone remember that time when on Halloween weekend this year Jacob and Kara and then Laura had the biggest parties of the semester and I couldn't go because I was in the hospital? Oh yeah...about that...
^That is all...thank you.
Friday, November 21, 2003
^Aloha...holy diva much Batman?
^Whatev, it's totally a different day now...
What ravages of spirt conjured this temtress rage?
Created you a monster - broken by the rules of love...
And fate has led you through it ...you do what you have to do.
And fate has led you through it ...you do what you have to do.
But I have the sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go.
Every moment marked with apparitions of your soul.
I'm ever swiftly moving, trying to escape this desire.
The yearning to be near you ... I do what I have to do.
The yearning to be near you ... I do what I have to do.
But I have the sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go.
Glowing ember, burning hot and burning slow.
And deep within I'm shaken by the violence of existing for only you.
I know I can't be with you ... I do what I have to do.
I know I can't be with you ... I do what I have to do.
And I have the sense to recognize, but I don't know how to let you.
I don't know how to let you go.
^Whatev, it's totally a different day now...
What ravages of spirt conjured this temtress rage?
Created you a monster - broken by the rules of love...
And fate has led you through it ...you do what you have to do.
And fate has led you through it ...you do what you have to do.
But I have the sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go.
Every moment marked with apparitions of your soul.
I'm ever swiftly moving, trying to escape this desire.
The yearning to be near you ... I do what I have to do.
The yearning to be near you ... I do what I have to do.
But I have the sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go.
Glowing ember, burning hot and burning slow.
And deep within I'm shaken by the violence of existing for only you.
I know I can't be with you ... I do what I have to do.
I know I can't be with you ... I do what I have to do.
And I have the sense to recognize, but I don't know how to let you.
I don't know how to let you go.
Thursday, November 20, 2003
^Aloha...holy two songs in one day, Batman!
^I can't help it. I'm not in my right mind and you all know it. I know, I know, I know - I'm going to Blogger Hell for this...
Please forgive me if I act a little strange,
For I know not what I do.
Feels like lightning runnin through my veins
Every time I look at you ... Every time I look at you.
Help me out here all my words are fallin short.
And there's so much I wanna say.
Wanna tell you just how good it feels
When you look at me that way ... When you look at me that way.
Throw a stone and watch the ripples flow,
Moving out across the bay.
Like a stone, I fall into your eyes -
Deep into that mystery ... Deep into some mystery.
I got half a mind to scream out loud.
I got half a mind to die.
So I won't ever have to lose you -
Won't ever have to say goodbye -
Won't ever have to lie ... Won't ever have to say goodbye.
Please forgive me if I act a little strange,
For I know not what I do.
Feels like lightning running through my veins
Every time I look at you ... Every time I look at you ...
Every time I look at you ... Every time I look at you ...
^I can't help it. I'm not in my right mind and you all know it. I know, I know, I know - I'm going to Blogger Hell for this...
Please forgive me if I act a little strange,
For I know not what I do.
Feels like lightning runnin through my veins
Every time I look at you ... Every time I look at you.
Help me out here all my words are fallin short.
And there's so much I wanna say.
Wanna tell you just how good it feels
When you look at me that way ... When you look at me that way.
Throw a stone and watch the ripples flow,
Moving out across the bay.
Like a stone, I fall into your eyes -
Deep into that mystery ... Deep into some mystery.
I got half a mind to scream out loud.
I got half a mind to die.
So I won't ever have to lose you -
Won't ever have to say goodbye -
Won't ever have to lie ... Won't ever have to say goodbye.
Please forgive me if I act a little strange,
For I know not what I do.
Feels like lightning running through my veins
Every time I look at you ... Every time I look at you ...
Every time I look at you ... Every time I look at you ...
^Aloha...::slap:: Quiet, you fool!
^Wow, I'm still all giddy and stupid right now. I'm twitterpated Kristin...there's no use trying to fight it. You know what that means, don't you? I will slowly but surely lose all ability to form comprehensive thoughts and my posts will, over time, degenerate from cohesive thoughts to their equivalent in song lyrics. Hmmm...I might as well start right now. mightn't I?
Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire -
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight.
Truth be told, I tried my best -
But somehwere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer.
And the price was so much more than I could bear.
Though I've tried, I've fallen -
I have sunk so low,
I've messed up...
Better I should know.
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so.
We all begin with good intent,
And love was raw and young.
We believed that we could change ourselves -
The past could be undone.
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning,
In the wound that would not heal.
It's the bitter taste of losing everything I held so dear
I've fallen -
I have sunk so low,
I messed up...
Better I should know.
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so.
Heaven bent to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn.
I'm lost to those I thought were friends -
To everyone I know.
Oh, they turned their heads, embarrassed,
Pretend that they don't see
That it's one misstep and slip before you know it.
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed.
Though I've tried, I've fallen -
I have sunk so low,
I've messed up...
Better I should know.
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so.
^Wow, I'm still all giddy and stupid right now. I'm twitterpated Kristin...there's no use trying to fight it. You know what that means, don't you? I will slowly but surely lose all ability to form comprehensive thoughts and my posts will, over time, degenerate from cohesive thoughts to their equivalent in song lyrics. Hmmm...I might as well start right now. mightn't I?
Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire -
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight.
Truth be told, I tried my best -
But somehwere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer.
And the price was so much more than I could bear.
Though I've tried, I've fallen -
I have sunk so low,
I've messed up...
Better I should know.
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so.
We all begin with good intent,
And love was raw and young.
We believed that we could change ourselves -
The past could be undone.
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning,
In the wound that would not heal.
It's the bitter taste of losing everything I held so dear
I've fallen -
I have sunk so low,
I messed up...
Better I should know.
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so.
Heaven bent to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn.
I'm lost to those I thought were friends -
To everyone I know.
Oh, they turned their heads, embarrassed,
Pretend that they don't see
That it's one misstep and slip before you know it.
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed.
Though I've tried, I've fallen -
I have sunk so low,
I've messed up...
Better I should know.
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so.
^Aloha...Hooray for opening of Twelfth Night!
^So wow...what can I say? Well I could say a lot, like "Connor, quit being such a rim job, you tree-fucking son of a bitch mother fucker." ...but I think that would be unecessary. And we all know I would NEVER use such foul language!
^Yes...I think that time has come again. That time where I stop being so horrendous and let everyone have a little peek at that softer and sensitive side that I keep so well concealed. Well, it has once again come to my attention that I am in love with love. From the sea of butterflies to the keen awareness of the intensity of all the beauty there is to find in the world...seriously y'all. It all leaves me breathless.
^ Words are poor convoys of meaning in this situation, but I can liken it to the feeling of glowing. No, not that strange and uncomfortable glow of someone that just had sex, but that soft and sensuous glow that surrounds someone trying to hold in too much perfection. Walking down the street, my hair and the leaves will blow around and fall about my face, the sun will hold my eyes in suspense, making them into brown pools of pure joy and I only take note of these things when I feel like I'm in love.
^But I don't think I'm ready to call it love. Molly, Kara, you know how I am about these things. I'm so wary of admitting my feelings about someone; I loathe vulnerability...I fear it more than most tangible things I'm scared of...including spiders. If it came down to kicking it old school with an arachnid versus revealing my attraction to someone...I would find myself pouring one out for my homies with a Daddy Long Legs - shudder. It's a little embarassing to be so afraid of rejection and getting hurt. I suppose I should file it under "Teen Angst" and just get on with it.
^For all of you that know me...you know how this whole thing works. It's all pink and dolls and dresses and tea parties from here on in. I think I'm just going to go with it, versus flailing against it with all the force in my being. Go with it. That's a new concept...I think I just might like it.
^Yeah...I like that.
^That is all...thank you.
P.S. I am so in love it's ridiculous...now would be a good time to make friends with me...
^So wow...what can I say? Well I could say a lot, like "Connor, quit being such a rim job, you tree-fucking son of a bitch mother fucker." ...but I think that would be unecessary. And we all know I would NEVER use such foul language!
^Yes...I think that time has come again. That time where I stop being so horrendous and let everyone have a little peek at that softer and sensitive side that I keep so well concealed. Well, it has once again come to my attention that I am in love with love. From the sea of butterflies to the keen awareness of the intensity of all the beauty there is to find in the world...seriously y'all. It all leaves me breathless.
^ Words are poor convoys of meaning in this situation, but I can liken it to the feeling of glowing. No, not that strange and uncomfortable glow of someone that just had sex, but that soft and sensuous glow that surrounds someone trying to hold in too much perfection. Walking down the street, my hair and the leaves will blow around and fall about my face, the sun will hold my eyes in suspense, making them into brown pools of pure joy and I only take note of these things when I feel like I'm in love.
^But I don't think I'm ready to call it love. Molly, Kara, you know how I am about these things. I'm so wary of admitting my feelings about someone; I loathe vulnerability...I fear it more than most tangible things I'm scared of...including spiders. If it came down to kicking it old school with an arachnid versus revealing my attraction to someone...I would find myself pouring one out for my homies with a Daddy Long Legs - shudder. It's a little embarassing to be so afraid of rejection and getting hurt. I suppose I should file it under "Teen Angst" and just get on with it.
^For all of you that know me...you know how this whole thing works. It's all pink and dolls and dresses and tea parties from here on in. I think I'm just going to go with it, versus flailing against it with all the force in my being. Go with it. That's a new concept...I think I just might like it.
^Yeah...I like that.
^That is all...thank you.
P.S. I am so in love it's ridiculous...now would be a good time to make friends with me...
Friday, November 14, 2003
^Aloha...Get excited! (that's for you, Andy)
^Sorry I never finished the story about the hospital. All you really need to know is that they stole my blood a whole lot, poked my abdominal organs a whole lot, gave me thirty million different tests, and santa claus and a gay man gave me a pelvic exam....I'll let you fill in the rest with whatever wacky details you want.
^That is all...thank you.
^Sorry I never finished the story about the hospital. All you really need to know is that they stole my blood a whole lot, poked my abdominal organs a whole lot, gave me thirty million different tests, and santa claus and a gay man gave me a pelvic exam....I'll let you fill in the rest with whatever wacky details you want.
^That is all...thank you.
Sunday, November 02, 2003
^Aloha... Jen, I think I have just reached the limit of wacky points attainable in one week..
^Okay, so about my organ meats being afflicted. I was at the Wellness Center for a follow up appointment and more chatter about how they have no idea what the hell is wrong with me, when the nurse practitioner decides to send me to the ER for a catscan to make sure I don't have appendicitis. "I send people to the ER all the time. It will only take a couple of hours," she says. This was Wednesday. Cut to Saturday...when I was discharged from the hospital.
^So I know most people have been wondering where the hell Taria was these past few days. Yep, I was in the clink...er uh, the medical clink so to speak. Now it's time for some play by play action of my St. Francis adventures.
^The ER doctor = so hot. It was out of control. And as he poked and prodded my poor organs, he noticed how scared I was of having some severe affliction and held my hand. And then I had mind sex with him...twice. I have very nice nurses who load me up with IVs and things. My other ER doctor makes me laugh heartily with her wit and sarcasm; I enjoy her immensely...until she has to put her finger in my ass...that was highly UNenjoyable. I have a crazy catskan and my next ER doctor tells me in a heavy German accent that "You ahhpendeex ist a leetle beet of dee svollen." The nurses steal my blood and urine and I am admitted. I get to go to my room at 2:00 AM...sleep visits me briefly...but runs away.
^This concludes day one. Waiting was the name of this game...so I started to read "Me Talk Pretty One Day"
Now is the time for shopping with Quintin. I will finish this later....
^That is all...thank you.
^Okay, so about my organ meats being afflicted. I was at the Wellness Center for a follow up appointment and more chatter about how they have no idea what the hell is wrong with me, when the nurse practitioner decides to send me to the ER for a catscan to make sure I don't have appendicitis. "I send people to the ER all the time. It will only take a couple of hours," she says. This was Wednesday. Cut to Saturday...when I was discharged from the hospital.
^So I know most people have been wondering where the hell Taria was these past few days. Yep, I was in the clink...er uh, the medical clink so to speak. Now it's time for some play by play action of my St. Francis adventures.
^The ER doctor = so hot. It was out of control. And as he poked and prodded my poor organs, he noticed how scared I was of having some severe affliction and held my hand. And then I had mind sex with him...twice. I have very nice nurses who load me up with IVs and things. My other ER doctor makes me laugh heartily with her wit and sarcasm; I enjoy her immensely...until she has to put her finger in my ass...that was highly UNenjoyable. I have a crazy catskan and my next ER doctor tells me in a heavy German accent that "You ahhpendeex ist a leetle beet of dee svollen." The nurses steal my blood and urine and I am admitted. I get to go to my room at 2:00 AM...sleep visits me briefly...but runs away.
^This concludes day one. Waiting was the name of this game...so I started to read "Me Talk Pretty One Day"
Now is the time for shopping with Quintin. I will finish this later....
^That is all...thank you.
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