mood: cazy
music: chicago movie soundtack

in ode to deciphe this post, you must ealize that i have left out all of the r's (except fo that one). don't ask questions. just know that it's the way they talk in ieland.

they ae all cad caying cool kids.

mood: WOOT!
music: maroon 5 - sunday morning

so i just got THE phone call! seems as though ms. taria will be spending some of christmas break in france!! abi trip. it's going to be amazing.

get excited for this one...

mood: fuck
music: oasis - don't look back in anger

so sally can wait
she knows it's too late as she's walking on by
my soul slides away --

so concussions make time in your schedule for the following things: aqua teen hunger force, mind-fucking freshman, making detailed plans for future debauchery, getting behind on classwork, and philosophizing.

i don't have the presence of mind to use the "elite" vocabularly which is so characteristic of my standard philosophical blatherings, so i'll just get down to it. basically two different "groups" of people were supposed to come and visit me this weekend. both bailed on me. at first that was cool because my apt is already way too small for the four of us that live here without adding 4 more, it's messy like the dickens (and you KNOW how messy the DICKENS are!), and there's a great deal of drama going on within the walls of santa clara 4d. not to mention i was happy to have a completely open weekend and not to have to entertain people for 3-4 days. but then i realized that i had forgone a couple of really important things in order to accomodate this visit.

first of all, i didn't audition for les liaisons dangereuses - one of my top three favorite shows of all time - because i knew if i got in, we'd be too heavy into rehearsal for me to get away to be with them. now i don't know for sure that i would have been cast...but the point is i didn't even audition. i missed a perfect opportunity for an amazing process with one of the best (and one of my favorite) directors in our dept and in the country. i also dropped my practicum for the semester because i knew i'd have to work it till 6 on friday and then 10-5 on sat and sunday. this completely fucked up my plan to have practicums done by my senior year, and to keep this on track with my crazy schedule of credits and deferments i'll have to do 2 over a summer.

"but taria," you might say, "that's your own damn fault." i know. that's just it. i'm not mad at the particular people, as i understand that things just don't work out sometimes. i'm severely annoyed with myself for allowing things - on a hyperbolized scale - life...to pass me by. not that i don't love my pals dearly and wish i could have gotten the chance to see them since i haven't since early in the summer. i just feel like i should know better by now than to sacrifice on such a scale. where the hell was my sense of priorities? did someone take it (brrrrian!)?

and if so, could you please promptly return it as i am clearly in desperate need.

ah well. this is why we have periods of personal growth.

but don't look back in anger
don't look back in anger
i heard you say

at least not today...

mood: sooooo sleeeeeepy
music: azure ray - new resolution

so i have a concussion. that's right, kids. i've been having issues with the old asthma, so it's been pretty routine for me to break out my nebulizer (breathing machine) before i go to class in the morning. well, for those uncool non-asthmatics out there, the nebulizer is go big or go home, balls to the walls, intense, badass shit. and it will make your ass wicked dizzy. which is what it did to me. so i went into the bedroom to sit down for a spell, but tripped and fell and hit my head on the corner of one of our dressers before finding the ground. bad news bears. not trusting the campus wellness center (since they would probably just tell me that i was pregnant and had a cold) i called both my doctor here in chicago and my pediatrician in omaha and they both said i would probably be fine but to keep a close eye on my symptoms and to go right to the hospital if anything else happened.

so...yeah. all i really want to do is go to bed. but you can't do that when you have a head injury. damnit.

hell... at least i get two days off from class...

mood: ho hum...
music: john mayer - daughters

"I'm realizing what I need. No, what I want. I don't really need anything, now do I? Anyhoo. I know what my ideal is, and what I think it always has been. I want to be understood. I don't believe in that "you complete me" stuff. Two people are independent entities from each other. One and one equals (that's right, say it with me now) TWO. And that's not a bad thing. I am complete...at least I'm getting there. What I'm looking for is understanding. Sometimes, I feel like I'm less than 100% Meghan with people because I'm anxious to have that person see a certain part of me that I think they'll like best or perhaps that I want them to see and like best. Sometimes it's silliness and humor, other times it's depth and melancholy. Back to what I want though. I want someone to share the silence with. My gawd, I feel like I have so much bottled up inside of me, all these beautiful thoughts and emotions and ideas and words...that no matter how hard I try, I can't get outside of myself, I can't verbalize them, bring them into being. I want someone to know those things, see them INSIDE, understanding what's in there. I want him to think with me. And I, in turn, want to think with him. I want to know all his beautiful thoughts, too. I want to know that they're there and that they're magnificant, even if I don't know what the actual ideas are. And we can sit, music or silence, and think together. Wouldn't that be beautiful?"

how is it that someone i feel like i hardly know can verbalize the contents of my soul? my word. meghan is brilliant. and i get to live with her.

in other news:
HAPPY MOTHER FUCKING BIRTHDAY BILL!
(also to Bethy and James, but mostly to Bill)

mood: sonofabitch
music: nelly furtado - powerless (say what you want)

holy shit. it is so hot. hot in herrre. it's so hot i can't move. it's so hot i can't think. it's so hot i can't even make sense of my outfit. and there are 8 million people in my apt. and they're all making noise. but it's too hot for extraneous noise(s).

save me, Jeebus, save me.

megan, i just want you to know that my prayers are with you. i know that God will guide and keep your family through this tremendously difficult time. if you ever need anything, or nothing at all, you know how to reach me.

i send all my love - esp to bruce - one of the all time best fathers...

mood: eh...
music: coldplay - a rush of blood to the head

and here i come
westbound
leave the motor running because i'm on the run
in this crowded world i'll be high waiting when the last train comes

sparks fly, i hit the ground running
i'm in the air on the side of the road
good work...never comes easy
hey driver, to the top of the world
sparks fly, i hit the ground running
time stops at the end of the road
the big life, big deals, beginnings,
hey driver, to the top of the world...

mood: thoughtful
music: snow patrol - final straw

nothing considerably interesting has happened to me since the last post. at least nothing that i could possibly shroud in the usual non-descript shades of wit under the guise of relating it to the standard blog school of thought to which most of us have been ascribed...

music. always an enormously intrinsic part of my life. immeasurably magnified lately. i was introduced to a new level of brilliance in the form of snow patrol. amazingly profound band. their lyrics are incredibly thought provoking. very beautiful and mellow sound. someone described them as a slightly harder version of belle and sebastian, which is terribly amusing if you know anything about b&s. they're from northern ireland (accents!), which makes them badass by default. so i guess the fact that they're astounding makes them even more awesome. i would go so far as to say they are wicked cool - even stupid cool. (eh kelly?)

this could be the very moment
i'm aware i'm alive
all these places feel like home...

i suppose if i had to characterize the last couple of days i would say they were defined by complex experiences. even more complex emotions. so many of those "perfect moments" i always seem to be referring to. some of the most sincere moments. that growth. that transformation. that adaptation. it's palpable now.

goodness knows i saw it coming
or at least i'll claim i did
but in truth i'm lost for words...

mood: chill
music: sarah mclachlan - surfacing

"family guy is a lot like jesus. no one really appreciated it until it was cancelled..." - matt

what an odd afternoon/evening. intended to stay in and read my two plays. that was first interrupted by an overzealous taria wanting to work out. after two sessions of kickboxing and a "normal" workout, my body is sorely displeased with me. then laurence decided to stop by while i was bumming around the apt in nothing but a towel. laziness overcame me, so i didn't bother to put on any clothes. we delved into some interesting dept chat - spawned by the recent round of auditions. special k got in on that when she got back from evanston and introduced us to one of the most brilliant musicals i've ever heard of. i forget what it's called, though...

laurence and i eventually made it over to mertz. i enjoyed some din and fab convo with matt (that's his quote up there) and brian (of the frosh variety). those boys are abfab. they give me some hope as to the state of the class of 2004. i then ended up hanging out w/ ryan and a bunch of his residents. andrew, zach, dave, duncan, ngu, and john, i think...what badass boys! i love them to death. AND they made me an honorary 14th floor member. apparently that's a very prestigious offer and not very many girls are extended such a title. i felt honored. they were all pretty tipsy. it was hilarious - good times were had by all. never really pictured myself hanging out with too many frosh this year, but i was proven wrong once more. i guess it's for the better, though.

ryan and i peaced out (his residents are convinced we were leaving to go have sex @ fordham) and went to visit angie. daisha, tammy, and sheena were there as well. that experience was just wacky. we were all so tired that we felt a little drunk. and you know that can only lead to crazy times.

hmmm...looking back, that wasn't a particularly interesting series of events at all. i guess you just had to be there.i think i'll go finish reading those plays now.

also, i think bill robinson may be one of the coolest people i've ever met. and one of my most underappreciated partners in crime. let the records show...

mood: sleepy - staying up just because i can
music: cat stevens - greatest hits

watching perceus swim around and around in his little self-contained realm of existence. hearing the faint echo of time of your life from across the room. watching as the blood red moon drifts across the sky. i cannot help but wonder at the moment, and how every moment i've passed through has somehow propelled me to where i am now. the intricasies are somewhat daunting.

feel like this semester is going to be a period of tremendous personal growth. which i have learned firsthand is not necessarily the equivalent of a period of "a whole shit load of fucking awesome times, dude." in fact, the last time this happened, there was something roughly equivalent to "the great schism." at least that's what it seemed like at the time. and while i don't anticipate any events of such magnitude to occur this time around, i also realize that things will be a'changing. namely myself. i also know that some people won't like that. such is life. mainly i'm excited for the positives. becoming a better person is always good news. and i'm particularly excited to strengthen some friendships. six specific ones and a slew of general ones, both old and new. oh, and i tend to post a great deal during these periods of great thought. so this is:

-good news. you'll have more to read?
-bad news. you'll have more to read and it'll probably be pretty dense in terms of intricate philosophies and big words?
-no news. no one reads this anyway.

alright. it's off to bed with me.

off to start being a better person.







does that mean i can't be a bitch anymore? if not, that sucks, because i'm funniest in the bitchy moments. you know it's true...

mood: awesome
music: red hot chilli peppers - can't stop

my classes are awesome.

my classes are better than yours.

just face it.