mood: another day
music: john mayer - daughters
today. i did not write what i really meant. perhaps i was le tired. perhaps i was lazy. perhaps i lacked the heart. but for whatever reason, the words did not posess me. escaped. probably off into the void that is the matching grays on the other side of my window.
Monday, November 29, 2004
Monday, November 22, 2004
mood: slightly delirious
music: jamie cullum - all at sea
so tired i can't sleep, which is totally a lame amount of tiredness.
so much to get done in the next day. fyi, it will probably kill me.
my chest hurts. somehow i have upset the asthma.
i love mongooses. or mongeese. depending on which dictionary you consult.
sometimes it's awesome that it's almost thanksgiving.
fakesgiving will be held without me this year. sad, man, sad.
well, time to tackle that death-pile of tasks. since i won't talk to or see many of you, i suggest you bitches have a happy thanksgiving . . . or else.
music: jamie cullum - all at sea
so tired i can't sleep, which is totally a lame amount of tiredness.
so much to get done in the next day. fyi, it will probably kill me.
my chest hurts. somehow i have upset the asthma.
i love mongooses. or mongeese. depending on which dictionary you consult.
sometimes it's awesome that it's almost thanksgiving.
fakesgiving will be held without me this year. sad, man, sad.
well, time to tackle that death-pile of tasks. since i won't talk to or see many of you, i suggest you bitches have a happy thanksgiving . . . or else.
Thursday, November 18, 2004
mood:
music: modest mouse - ocean breathes salty
your body may be gone, i'm gonna carry you in
in my head, in my heart, in my soul
and maybe we'll get lucky and we'll both live again
well i don't
i don't know
i don't know
don't think so
well that is that, and this is this
you tell me what you want and i'll tell you what you get
you get away from me
you get away from me
collected my belongings and i left the jail
well thanks for the time, i needed to think a spell
i had to think a while
i had to think a while
the ocean breathes salty, won't you carry it in?
in you head, in your mouth, in your soul
and maybe we'll get lucky and we'll both grow old
well i don't know
i don't know
i don't know
i hope so
well that is that and this is this
you tell me what you want and i'll tell you what you get
you get away from me
you get away from me
collected my belongings and i left the jail
well thanks for the time, i needed to think a spell
i had to think a while
i had to think a while
well that is that and this is this
will you tell me what you saw and i'll tell you what you missed
when the ocean met the sky
you missed when time and life shook hands and said goodbye
when the earth folded in on itself and said,
"good luck, for your sake i hope heaven and hell are really there,
but i wouldn't hold my breath"
you wasted life, why wouldn't you waste death?
you wasted life, why wouldn't you waste death?
the ocean breathes salty, won't you carry it in?
in you head, in your mouth, in your soul
the more we move ahead, the more we're stuck in rewind
well i don't mind
i don't mind
i don't mind
how the hell could i mind?
well that is that and this is this
you tell me what you want and i'll tell you what you get
you get away from me
you get away from me
well that is that and this is this
will you tell me what you saw and i'll tell you what you missed
when the ocean met the sky
you wasted life, why wouldn't you waste the afterlife?
music: modest mouse - ocean breathes salty
your body may be gone, i'm gonna carry you in
in my head, in my heart, in my soul
and maybe we'll get lucky and we'll both live again
well i don't
i don't know
i don't know
don't think so
well that is that, and this is this
you tell me what you want and i'll tell you what you get
you get away from me
you get away from me
collected my belongings and i left the jail
well thanks for the time, i needed to think a spell
i had to think a while
i had to think a while
the ocean breathes salty, won't you carry it in?
in you head, in your mouth, in your soul
and maybe we'll get lucky and we'll both grow old
well i don't know
i don't know
i don't know
i hope so
well that is that and this is this
you tell me what you want and i'll tell you what you get
you get away from me
you get away from me
collected my belongings and i left the jail
well thanks for the time, i needed to think a spell
i had to think a while
i had to think a while
well that is that and this is this
will you tell me what you saw and i'll tell you what you missed
when the ocean met the sky
you missed when time and life shook hands and said goodbye
when the earth folded in on itself and said,
"good luck, for your sake i hope heaven and hell are really there,
but i wouldn't hold my breath"
you wasted life, why wouldn't you waste death?
you wasted life, why wouldn't you waste death?
the ocean breathes salty, won't you carry it in?
in you head, in your mouth, in your soul
the more we move ahead, the more we're stuck in rewind
well i don't mind
i don't mind
i don't mind
how the hell could i mind?
well that is that and this is this
you tell me what you want and i'll tell you what you get
you get away from me
you get away from me
well that is that and this is this
will you tell me what you saw and i'll tell you what you missed
when the ocean met the sky
you wasted life, why wouldn't you waste the afterlife?
Monday, November 15, 2004
mood: whoa
music: maroon 5 - must get out
what a strange series of days. can't even make sense of it myself yet. i took chang's advice and just let it happen (not unlike what happens with mikey g, feldmiller). so i went about the normal functions of life, accepting the fact that i was generally unhappy and my soul was broken. and it worked out just fine. i had a great weekend partying friday at mark milford's with pals (most notably the new and improved michael fagin - to who i must offer an apology for confusing with m.g.) and "meeting" the infamous jacob (who actually called me yesterday), partying saturday with my boys for the first time in way too long (oh man, i still don't even know what that craziness was all about), mysteriously dying on sunday and not coming home until after rehearsal and busy-bodying around until i crashed . . . hard.
in other news, if i crawled into a hole and died, do you think anyone would notice? this morning i woke up at 8 (note how i don't have classes until 11:30) and couldn't sleep any more. i felt a little sick, remnant of yesterday most likely. so i went to the gym. really regret that one. i can't keep any foodstuffs down. also, i discovered that there is a huge error on my account in the student business office. not such a big deal except i'm totally fucked for registration today. oh, and it's probably going to take up to 2 weeks to straighten this out because of the various bureaucratic procedures and approvals that will be needed to override the block. today is not looking promising. so i think i'll pass on characterization, hit up theology (we're discussing the human, biological, and ecological prospects of nuclear winter today - yay!) at 1:40 and then go over to erica's to hibernate for the rest of the day and evening.
also, remember that time when i had 3 other roommates and two of them were moving out and 1 wasn't coming back to school next semester? about that . . . tremendously excited for the space. but holy shit do i have a lot of stuff to get. it's surprising how much stuff 4 people can separately contribute to the proper (or in our case, dysfunctional) functioning of an apartment, or rather, the more appropriately termed, university-sanctioned, apartment style living area. and by the way, with all of the space i will have, NONE of you bitches out there will have ANY excuse for not coming to visit me since i may not be coming home soon. just so you know . . .
i'm lifting you up
i'm letting you down
i'm dancing till dawn
i'm foolin around
i'm not giving up
i'm making your love
this city's made us crazy and we must get out
this is not goodbye, she said
it is just time for me to rest my head
she does not walk, she runs instead
down these jagged streets and into my bed
running into bed is such a good idea . . .
music: maroon 5 - must get out
what a strange series of days. can't even make sense of it myself yet. i took chang's advice and just let it happen (not unlike what happens with mikey g, feldmiller). so i went about the normal functions of life, accepting the fact that i was generally unhappy and my soul was broken. and it worked out just fine. i had a great weekend partying friday at mark milford's with pals (most notably the new and improved michael fagin - to who i must offer an apology for confusing with m.g.) and "meeting" the infamous jacob (who actually called me yesterday), partying saturday with my boys for the first time in way too long (oh man, i still don't even know what that craziness was all about), mysteriously dying on sunday and not coming home until after rehearsal and busy-bodying around until i crashed . . . hard.
in other news, if i crawled into a hole and died, do you think anyone would notice? this morning i woke up at 8 (note how i don't have classes until 11:30) and couldn't sleep any more. i felt a little sick, remnant of yesterday most likely. so i went to the gym. really regret that one. i can't keep any foodstuffs down. also, i discovered that there is a huge error on my account in the student business office. not such a big deal except i'm totally fucked for registration today. oh, and it's probably going to take up to 2 weeks to straighten this out because of the various bureaucratic procedures and approvals that will be needed to override the block. today is not looking promising. so i think i'll pass on characterization, hit up theology (we're discussing the human, biological, and ecological prospects of nuclear winter today - yay!) at 1:40 and then go over to erica's to hibernate for the rest of the day and evening.
also, remember that time when i had 3 other roommates and two of them were moving out and 1 wasn't coming back to school next semester? about that . . . tremendously excited for the space. but holy shit do i have a lot of stuff to get. it's surprising how much stuff 4 people can separately contribute to the proper (or in our case, dysfunctional) functioning of an apartment, or rather, the more appropriately termed, university-sanctioned, apartment style living area. and by the way, with all of the space i will have, NONE of you bitches out there will have ANY excuse for not coming to visit me since i may not be coming home soon. just so you know . . .
i'm lifting you up
i'm letting you down
i'm dancing till dawn
i'm foolin around
i'm not giving up
i'm making your love
this city's made us crazy and we must get out
this is not goodbye, she said
it is just time for me to rest my head
she does not walk, she runs instead
down these jagged streets and into my bed
running into bed is such a good idea . . .
Saturday, November 13, 2004
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
mood: so that's what it is
music: travis - the invisible band
what's with everyone being so full of angst?
i figured out what's been up with me. my soul. something's wrong with it. it's difficult to put into words. but here's the thing, i've acquired a certain set of things i do and ways in which i do them over the course of my life. i go to class, i get good grades, i work very hard, i excel at the social game, i'm charming, witty, funny, deep, analytical, critical (sometimes too much), possessive, sarcastic (sometimes too much), bitchy, i call things like i see them, i talk shit about people behind their backs and then say it to their faces (or not - depending. but i guarantee you do it as well), i listen - i listen well and make it easy for people to come to me and talk about their problems and/or ask for advice. whatever. that's just me. but i've made some huge personality transitions. it's the same old story about how i'm not the same person i used to be. and somewhere along the way, my habits may have been ignored. i changed, but the way i am did not. little surprise that my standard m.o. doesn't satisfy me anymore.
how desperately difficult it is to be honest with one's self. it is much easier to be honest with other people. - edward white benson
so what do i do now?
music: travis - the invisible band
what's with everyone being so full of angst?
i figured out what's been up with me. my soul. something's wrong with it. it's difficult to put into words. but here's the thing, i've acquired a certain set of things i do and ways in which i do them over the course of my life. i go to class, i get good grades, i work very hard, i excel at the social game, i'm charming, witty, funny, deep, analytical, critical (sometimes too much), possessive, sarcastic (sometimes too much), bitchy, i call things like i see them, i talk shit about people behind their backs and then say it to their faces (or not - depending. but i guarantee you do it as well), i listen - i listen well and make it easy for people to come to me and talk about their problems and/or ask for advice. whatever. that's just me. but i've made some huge personality transitions. it's the same old story about how i'm not the same person i used to be. and somewhere along the way, my habits may have been ignored. i changed, but the way i am did not. little surprise that my standard m.o. doesn't satisfy me anymore.
how desperately difficult it is to be honest with one's self. it is much easier to be honest with other people. - edward white benson
so what do i do now?
Monday, November 08, 2004
mood: what the fuck?
music: guster - lost and gone forever
i wrote out this most excellent point. propositional and analytical, smart, clever. it was brill.
then when i went to publish it, the computer fucked up and lost it.
i sincerely hope this is not a prelude to the kind of week i will be having.
music: guster - lost and gone forever
i wrote out this most excellent point. propositional and analytical, smart, clever. it was brill.
then when i went to publish it, the computer fucked up and lost it.
i sincerely hope this is not a prelude to the kind of week i will be having.
Friday, November 05, 2004
mood: really...
music: travis - the invisible band
as i was walking home from THE JESUS tonight, the moon was so very low...it was rising. and it was red. and orange. and yellow. and i didn't know what to think of it. i didn't actually think about it too much. just tried to enjoy it. because shortly thereafter it was high up in the sky. it was its normal eggshell color. and the fact that it had been anything else was little more than a secret between myself and the sky.
music: travis - the invisible band
as i was walking home from THE JESUS tonight, the moon was so very low...it was rising. and it was red. and orange. and yellow. and i didn't know what to think of it. i didn't actually think about it too much. just tried to enjoy it. because shortly thereafter it was high up in the sky. it was its normal eggshell color. and the fact that it had been anything else was little more than a secret between myself and the sky.
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
mood: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY?
music: incubus - megalomaniac (and all their other angry music)
THEY elected him to another term. THEY elected to ban gay marriage. THEY kept the house under the republican thumb. THEY elected to say that all the atrocities, past, present, and future are A-OK. i did not do this. THEY are not my people. THEY do not represent me.
i'm so disenfranchised. i'm so distraught. i'm so angry. i don't know what the fuck i am going to do with myself. i don't want this.i don't understand this.
i do know that this is not a good thing. not a good thing at all.
some say the world will end in fire,
some say in ice.
from what i've tasted of desire
i hold with those who favour fire.
but if it had to perish twice,
i think i know enough of hate
to say that for destruction ice
is also great
and would suffice.
the aftermath in away messages:
(republicans)
StXBomber7: On this day more than ever I'm damn proud to be an American.
GoodGoIlyMissMoIly: My favorite heroes were always Cowboys... don't worry liberals, i'm sure skeletor is still happy with his millions of dollars in ketchup:-D
(dems)
changchang03: night....if bush wins....i'm gonna be pissed!
LiLDrEaMeR322: In Canada. Just kidding, I'm at class. But I bet I fooled some of you, right?
(in her profile:) I am from the biggest homophobic state in the country. Homophobes voted for the gay marriage ban by 63% (which I still maintain was partly due to that fact that it was so poorly worded), homophobes messed up my Ohio registration this summer, and homophobes are going to elect us the wrong president. I am no longer from Ohio. I am now from Canada.
And also, who needs the Louisiana Purchase? Let's sell it back. Along with New Mexico, Texas, Arizona, and Florida. And Ohio.
Kg00kg: I'm moving back to Canada in the morning.
thisisthris: is anyone else pulling their hair out?
Imaq00: i feel my cynicism starting to kick in
BVoss85: Packing for Canada.. any one want to come with?
Luv2danc85: and nebraska is a red state with my lone vote going to kerry
MaraJeanne: Class then packing for Canada...
This Message Comes from my 15 year old brother..."So basically Bush is going to win, but he's going to fuck things up so bad that Ms. Clinton will win in 2008"
the m8 factor: oh, but you should wear all-black today. I'm doing it as my own personal protest.
MaraJeanne: yeah well
MaraJeanne: im wearing sweat pantsMaraJeanne: i dont want to look cute ever again
CheeseGod:
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.
Papasmurf358901: A note to terrorists, take out the south next time around. Who fucking re-elects Bush, who does that? I'll tell you who the stupid fucking south. Why do we let them vote they are always bigoted stupid assholes when it comes to any issue. I now have to deal with him for another four years after legitimately being elected this time. I am officially a self-hating American and I hate that I have to be dragged along in this charade of rediculousness. Welcome to America, where we have the freedom to be douchebags.
well, said, Matthew, well said...
music: incubus - megalomaniac (and all their other angry music)
THEY elected him to another term. THEY elected to ban gay marriage. THEY kept the house under the republican thumb. THEY elected to say that all the atrocities, past, present, and future are A-OK. i did not do this. THEY are not my people. THEY do not represent me.
i'm so disenfranchised. i'm so distraught. i'm so angry. i don't know what the fuck i am going to do with myself. i don't want this.i don't understand this.
i do know that this is not a good thing. not a good thing at all.
some say the world will end in fire,
some say in ice.
from what i've tasted of desire
i hold with those who favour fire.
but if it had to perish twice,
i think i know enough of hate
to say that for destruction ice
is also great
and would suffice.
the aftermath in away messages:
(republicans)
StXBomber7: On this day more than ever I'm damn proud to be an American.
GoodGoIlyMissMoIly: My favorite heroes were always Cowboys... don't worry liberals, i'm sure skeletor is still happy with his millions of dollars in ketchup:-D
(dems)
changchang03: night....if bush wins....i'm gonna be pissed!
LiLDrEaMeR322: In Canada. Just kidding, I'm at class. But I bet I fooled some of you, right?
(in her profile:) I am from the biggest homophobic state in the country. Homophobes voted for the gay marriage ban by 63% (which I still maintain was partly due to that fact that it was so poorly worded), homophobes messed up my Ohio registration this summer, and homophobes are going to elect us the wrong president. I am no longer from Ohio. I am now from Canada.
And also, who needs the Louisiana Purchase? Let's sell it back. Along with New Mexico, Texas, Arizona, and Florida. And Ohio.
Kg00kg: I'm moving back to Canada in the morning.
thisisthris: is anyone else pulling their hair out?
Imaq00: i feel my cynicism starting to kick in
BVoss85: Packing for Canada.. any one want to come with?
Luv2danc85: and nebraska is a red state with my lone vote going to kerry
MaraJeanne: Class then packing for Canada...
This Message Comes from my 15 year old brother..."So basically Bush is going to win, but he's going to fuck things up so bad that Ms. Clinton will win in 2008"
the m8 factor: oh, but you should wear all-black today. I'm doing it as my own personal protest.
MaraJeanne: yeah well
MaraJeanne: im wearing sweat pantsMaraJeanne: i dont want to look cute ever again
CheeseGod:
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.
Papasmurf358901: A note to terrorists, take out the south next time around. Who fucking re-elects Bush, who does that? I'll tell you who the stupid fucking south. Why do we let them vote they are always bigoted stupid assholes when it comes to any issue. I now have to deal with him for another four years after legitimately being elected this time. I am officially a self-hating American and I hate that I have to be dragged along in this charade of rediculousness. Welcome to America, where we have the freedom to be douchebags.
well, said, Matthew, well said...
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