mood: excited for tomorrow's winter hurricane
music: john mayer - say


it's been a while. a long while. how do you even begin to contain the events of the past two months in such insignificant lines? i don't think you can. so i wont.

mood: pasando tranqui
music: john mayer - heart of life


once again i'm reminded that my penchant for mellowdrama keeps me from seeing the forest for the trees. i've faced it. this week will be a hell week. major life decisions, projects, proposals, and papers to be dealt with each day. it will be a shit show of chaos. but i always work better under those circumstances, anyway. and really, if i failed each and every one of those tasks -- which, in reality, i most likely won't have 1/80 the problems i'm anticipating -- it's not the end of the world. i'll get over it. like i always do. like everyone always does.

the reality?
crash and burn. pick up. drink it away w/ your amigos. move it along.

c'est pas grave.
c'est pas la mer a boire.

mood: hum and drum
music: modest mouse - one chance


i kind of feel like it's all starting to come together.
but for some reason i can't shake the feeling that i'm still getting it all wrong.

mood: restless
music: imogen heap - hide and seek


am i allowed to make new year's resolutions in september? whatev, i do what i want.


anyway, the goal is to spend much less time on facebook. it never leads to any good.

mood: suspicious
music: stacie orrico - (there's gotta be) more to life


patience is a bitch.

and you know, i've made peace with the fact that i was born with almost none. and i've been trying my damndest to foster some within myself. but. guess what you need in order to do that?


...yeah.

mood: sleepy
music: inmigrantes - golpe de suerte


the last time the upstairs neighbors had a party i came home to a guy throwing up as he walked down our hallway and into the area near the front door so that he could throw up in our shared trash can. he barely missed wretching on my brand new shoes.

this time looks to rival the previous one. there is someone currently peeing outside one of our living room windows.

mood: i love when it monsoons outside
music: john mayer - vultures

got the fulbright advisor's set of comments back on my first draft. things are looking very promising. let's hope his enthusiasm for my project carries over into the thoughts of the others who will be viewing my proposal in the upcoming weeks.

mood: listless, glad to have finished my fulbright first draft
music: club des belugas - hip hip chin chin (go listen to this band right now.)


it occurs to me that the new "doing my own thing"/"no me importa" plane of existence which i have been trying so desperately to achieve is composed of three key steps:

1. actually doing my own thing

2. actually not caring about what others think about what i'm doing (the translation of no me importa is "it doesn't matter to me" or, more informally "i don't give a fuck")

3. spending less time caring about what other people are doing, themselves (aside from those close to me who i of course care about)

[3a] leveling out this strange penchant for naive nostalgia. i often forget that in many cases, situations and friendships were terminated because they were spoilt and/or rotten - not dewy little vacations that drifted toward a serendipitous ending without fault from any parties involved.



ps - my roommate just walked in the door and informed me there are about 30 cpd squad cars on the street behind our block. she encountered one of the officers and his greeting was "hey, have you heard any gunshots?" living in the ropa is full of its own very special joys.

storm is coming, but i don't mind
people are dying, i close my blinds
all that i know is i'm breathing now

i want to change the world
instead i sleep
i want to believe in more than you and me
all that i know is i'm breathing
all i can do is keep breathing
all we can do is keep breathing
now

all that i know is i'm breathing
all i can do is keep breathing
all we can do is keep breathing

all we can do is keep breathing
now...

mood: anxious
music: bloc party - blue light (engineers anti-gravity remix)

in spite of all the good things - great things - that have transpired, are transpiring, and will transpire, i still find that i'm terribly nervous. i've got this crazy neurotic anxiety thing going on and it's not really working well for me. my chest gets this incredibly full feeling and i start to get the sense that it just might be plotting to cave in on itself.

but i don't know what on earth i could be so anxious about. well. that's not entirely true. ok, let's be honest, it's more or less a lie. it's the fulbright. and what it symbolizes. and what it encodes. and what it has meant, means, and could mean to my future. pardon the histrionics, but it's a life-changing type of thing. this happens for me and nothing is the same. yeah, no pressure, right?

it's not as simple as being scared of an application. it's more about what this application forces me to do. to make it good i have to go hard, go deep, and go fast. pun intended. but really, to make myself the most competitive applicant i have to open up to an anonymous panel of scholars about a period of my life that was marked [almost] primarily by loss and grief. because that period forms the foundation for why i am truly passion about my proposal in the first place.

but god. there are parts of that which i haven't yet really opened up to myself about. so how can i possibly make it transparent for anyone else? i think that's what keeps me up at night.

but what i really think, is that i lack the words to describe this odd process i'm strung out in right now. [an almost painfully ironic statement for anyone who knows anything about my fulbright proposal:)] there are other sources that perhaps do it better. i don't know if they quite get at the heart of the matter [yikes, the irony is thick tonight!] but they'll do the trick for now:

from my horoscope:...if you were not so terribly frightened of falling from a great height, you could climb up the ladder to success two rungs at a time, dear Taria. Your problem seems to be that the World and the perspectives it promises make you suffer from vertigo!





"The secret of flight lies in the assurance that we are worthy of flying."
-Eleemosynary

mood: dale, dale, dale, ooooooooh
music: reik - de que sirve

yesterday i got up at 2:30 - just in time to eat some lunch, go take a nap on the beach and then grab sangria at bar celona.

today i started a new job in which it seems i will never do very much, but will still reap the benefits of a great discount on a large selection of fancy designer duds from brasil (i've already purchased shoes and 2 necklaces)

friday will likely be spent cuddled up with my fulbright application and a bottle of cabernet sauvignon.

saturday i will start drinking at 11am during the air and water show, after which i will continue with amazing margaritas and steak from cesar's and some party time with some of my new bar celona pals, mas ira and co. i will likely wrap up the night by making out with one or two german boys.

sunday i will go back to 'work' and will get home just in time to relax and unwind with a rousing game from the apertura of futbol argentino - san lorenzo vs river.



does life get any better than this?

mood: i told you i'm no good
music: junior boys - in the morning

everybody loves a good quickie, no? here goes.

1. apparently i'm now gainfully employed. upscale brazilian clothing boutique in evanston. i'm less than thrilled at the prospect of catering to stuffy stepford wives, but money is money. and surprisingly enough my apartment, the cable bill, my cell phone, jazz dance shoes, a semi-professional-grade 35mm camera, a new mattress, egg crate, bookshelves, sheets, updated office supplies, university tuition, roadtripping to the SOA protest in november, fall-breaking in miami, and a move to another country in just over a year don't pay for themselves.

2. speaking of a move to another country in a year - yeah, that's happening. i've decided i'm moving back to argentina at the beginning of 2009 to study in Brecha's 3-year dance/movement therapy program. hopefully it will be under the auspices of the fulbright fellowship for which i'm applying. but even without it - i'm headed back south of the border. way south.

3. t-minus 4 days until ira arrives with "the germans." clearly i have nothing but ill intentions for them :)

4. i've noticed some of the bands i've had on heavy rotation are finally getting some of the widespread mainstream recognition they deserve. bueno. you should be listening to this music. it's good for you. trust me.

Amy Winehouse
Aqualung
Feist
HelloGoodbye
Junior Boys
Lily Allen
Mark Ronson


mierda. that wasn't at quick as i had hoped...

mood: excited
music: regina spektor - better


this weekend's tally:

bottle of gin, bottle of bacardi hurricane, 2 bottles of champagne, bottle of boone's farm, 4 beers, some inordiante amount of franzia, 4 bottles of wine, and some whiskey.


apparently we drink a lot in this apt.

mood: lazy
music: julieta venegas - te voy a mostrar


last night i was berated on the beach by two very obviously sexually frustrated cops as i tried desperately and cautiously to diffuse a terribly precarious situation in which my roommate's nightblindness was mistakenly interpreted as a scowl/assertion of disrepectful attitude.

then they took our whiskey. and i had to walk home - sober - with sand in all sorts of undesirable places.


welcome back to the states, eh?

mood: luna de miel, rosa pastel, cliches y tonterias
music: reik - invierno

it snowed in buenos aires for the first time in about a million years. right after i left. fuck.



i have decided that i want to be an expat. now.
i give in. i get it. it's my destiny.

mood: low
music: mark ronson - stop me


this is stressing me out. sometimes i have these awful moments of debilitating doubt.

maybe i should just get on the plane and come home. yes i might - or probably would - regret it. yes i would probably always wonder what might have been. but it's not like i don't already have that feeling about so many other things in my life. i'm used to the sentiment.

so i wonder. what will i do this time around?

mood: so i'm thinking about staying in buenos aires for another semester...
music: amy winehouse - rehab


last weekend i learned probably the most important lesson that i have learned since i've been here:

a man with an erection will let me get away with whatever the hell i want.



i fully intend to abuse this power.



p.s. check out the mood on this post and let me know what you think.

mood: frustrated
music: aqualung - pressure suit


if there is something that you want. if you've wanted it for so long you can't remember you're life before it. if you've loved it so much you couldn't possibly imagine your life without it. if it physically pains you to be so far away from it...

if it comes to you. and you miss it. by one hour. one day. [four days to be exact. ]

does that mean you were never meant to have it?

mood: apathetic
music: shakira - las de la intuicion



we're at that time of the semester. you know, the end part where people start realizing that yes, at some point, this program will end and they will have to part ways with all of their brand new bff's that they´ve made along the way. more and more i seemed to get asked dumb shit like, ¨oh my god, can you believe we're ACTUALLY about to go home?!¨ or my favorite ¨can you believe that some of the people you talk to EVERY day here you might NEVER EVER see again EVER EVER?!?!¨


quite frankly, i´m kind of counting on it.

mood: afdlhfioweuirfhjklsad
music: a little less 16 candles, a little more ¨touch me¨


you know those little trick advertisement things that pop up on the side of the window while you´re on the internet? the ones that always say you've won something that's very obviously too good to be real by being the 8763231278945219975632 person to visit that page? like ¨ congratulations! you have 50 80gb ipods waiting!¨or ¨congratulations! you´ve won the patent to manufacture the malaria vaccine!!¨

well this morning i saw one that said i could be the lucky winner of ¨one free year¨ in the us. it actually tried to pass off the idea that if i clicked on it, i could claim my free no-strings-attached green card and live and work in the us for one full year without penalty. the funniest part was that apparently i had won this through a green card lottery that the us government holds every month. i mean, come on. i thought they at least had to make those things a little bit real. they weren't even trying...

in other news i´ve been sick for the past 189 days. with something that just keeps nagging and hanging on. every morning i wake up and feel like i´m about to die and then throughout the course of the day things kind of level out to where i only feel as though i would like to die. but no matter. i haven´t gone to class in over a week which has given me ample time to study and work on my final paper for spanish. and by that i clearly mean check facebook and myspace 6 times a day, blog, and generally dick around on the internet. but it's back to class tomorrow. i swear. only like 2 weeks left and i'd like to try to learn one or two more things before i go.

and by learn, i mean not miss out on any opportunities to properly judge certain people in my class...

mood: avoiding homework is always a good idea at firstmusic: enrique iglesias - dimelo

there is much to be said. to say that the past couple of weeks has been eventful is quite the understatement. for now, we'll stick with travel.

--two weekends ago i went to iguazú falls. it´s in the far, far northwest corner of the country (it actually crosses the argentinian borders with brazil and paraguay - but no, i couldn´t go to the other sides because we in the united states are assholes. we hassle other countries with visas so they make the process just as complicated and expensive as retribution...) that meant 18 solid hours of travel on the bus. however, as much as argentina can be a bootleg country, they truly do have some high-tech buses. we sucked it up and dropped the 17 extra pesos to travel full cama con aux's. which basically meant we could turn our chairs into beds and we got free wine, champagne, and/or whiskey during and after our meals. pretty sweet deal if i do say myself.

the falls were absolutely sick. there aren´t even words. there´s just so many of them. they expand on and on as far as you can possibly see. and you walk along all these bridges that wind up and around and through the falls and the park. there are times when you stop to look down and you´re directly on top of the drop off. it´s truly dizzying. and all you can think is ¨jesus, i hope this rickety shit doesn´t break.¨

the falls are also technically located in the jungle. now i know i´ve always said that the selva was one place you would never find me. most of the time when people are maimed out in the wilderness they had no business being there in the first place. thus, i tend to stick to developed and populated areas. since iguazú is, at it's heart, a national park, i figured i could bend my rule this one time. and in return for my trust, the wildlife was very friendly. the capibara (animals that look like giant guinea pigs and which are commonly recognized as the largest rodent on the planet) mostly kept to themselves, and the other things that looked like anteaters were only curious about us insofar as our relative willingness or unwillingness to share jodi´s cookies.

add to that a pretty sweet hostel, an amazing parilla (basically a huge barbeque with and endless plate of different types of grilled beef) a new brazillian drink called a caipirhiñi (which i will be making for you regularly upon my return), and a couple of nights dancing salsa and samba at a fun little club (which had the most ingenius name of club bar). i give this experience an A+.


--last weekend i went to colonia del sacramento. it's an incredible and incredibly tiny little town on the coast of uruguay. settled by the portuguese way back when, it's the oldest town in the country and still retains most of that traditional charm one finds in places like this. i absolutely fell in love with it. literally everything is beautiful there. from the flora and fauna to the water (it almost looked clean! a welcomed change from the frightening appearance of the argentinian side of the rio de la plata) to the cobblestone streets and the 15th and 16th century-style architecture.

now granted, the place is literally a village. but i felt we were able to make our own fun. the first thing we did when we got off the boat (yeah, you take a sweet-ass first-class style boat ride to get there) was to check into the hotel and then find a supermarket where we bought a jug of wine and some snacks. we then consumed said purchases and took a lovely nap. we woke up just in time to go to our free traditional uruguayan dinner. this consists of a chivito completa (basically something like a large and better version of a skirt steak which is then topped with chese, ham, a fried egg, and then laid to rest on a bed of french fries), salad, green olives, hearts of palm with morrones (sweet red peppers) and salsa golf, and an apple-filled pancake-roll with ice cream for postre (dessert).

needless to say, it was spectacular. the fact that ies was footing the bill made it taste that much better.

after dinner practically the entire group was on my ass about going to the one boliche (club) in the city, but my roommates and i decided to stay in and have girls night while gorging ourselves on more wine and bloquesirios de leche (essentially blocks of candied dulce de leche which taste almost exactly like pralines - a reference which is only helpful if you know what a praline tastes like). i admit, it was a tough decision to make. since we were only spending one night there i wanted to go check the locals out and see if they were any more enjoyable than the snooty porteños of buenos aires. but it was a little cold (we´re at the end of fall, beginning of winter down here) and of the 6 block walk to the club, 3 of those blocks were uphill.

sunday we had the best breakfast i've had since i've been down here. whole wheat toast, ham, cheese, croissants, fresh peach marmalade, dulce de leche, fresh-squeezed orange juice and hot chocolate. we had a couple of vegetarians/non-ham-eaters with us, so i took full advantage of my great luck. after sitting and chatting for nearly 3 hours we all got ready and took a walk around the city. exploring. window shopping. admiring the amazing sweaters and hats and scarves and things made mostly of llama or lamb´s wool or pashmina silk (i bought some gifts...one might even be for you!). again, i can't really explain to you how gorgeous everything was.

after a bit, our group of 4 split up. two girls went off to be boring ambassadors of lame while susanna and i broke the number one commandment of ies and went to rent a golf cart (no, seriously. they are REALLY anal about us being prohibited from renting motorcycles, mopeds, cars, atv's, or other types of things that would allow us to have a good time). we drove towards the more residential area of the city and discovered a park where we commenced to play for almost an hour and get stalked by a guy who was supposed to be having father-son time with his child. we then went out on a main road which follows the water up the coast - we went fairly far, and when we realized we had gone almost the next town over, decided to turn back. at roughly 25 mph we cruised for quite a while, wind in our hair, devil-may-care. it was very teen movie-esque.

i must say, even though we thought ourselves great rebels, we were scared shitless the whole time, holding our breath and never spending more than 20 seconds at a time on the main drag through the time. whatever, i still count it as a victory of rebellion.

it was just what i needed. a change of pace. a more chill tempo. it actually reminded me quite a bit of aix in a smaller format. i´m totally going back for the last extra days i have here. just some time to be alone and decompress after the madness that has been this trip. although i hear that montevideo (the capital of uruguay) is a nice place as well. considering hitting that up while i'm there. but at this juncture, who knows what could happen?

i give this trip an A+++. other people found it to be a little boring, i thought it was the best thing in the world. the only downside was the fact that we went with ies and i generally don´t enjoy cavorting around with 45 very loud, very american students. wears on the nerves. but all in all, it was worth every moment.

i think that should suffice for now. to come: the city's recent mayoral elections, my geographical semantics beef with the term ¨rio de la plata¨, reflections and perspective on this trip, why writing an 8-page paper in spanish is not exactly my dream come true, my future plans (ie where i´m spending the rest of the summer), the enigma that is ¨josh¨, the sexual prowess of the police and security force, and more. stay tuned.

mood: unsure
music: bloc party - i still remember

*just a warning. this one´s gonna be long. and the first part is going to seem unnecessarily whiny and pessimistic. i say first part, because i will undoubtedly get lazy halfway through and make this into two posts. so. yes. here we go...


at least i´ve figured it out now. i get it. my beef with buenos aires.

i was supposed to spend my entire senior year in paris, france. i was going to relive that olympianesque glory of summer 2005 - the memories of aix-en-provence still going strong and forcing me to laugh at what an incredible and incredibly ludicrous experience that was. and as one memory always leads to another, i would think of the absolutely ridiculous and most unbelievable adventures in roma and sicily with anita; the jolly good times of high tea and rogue cricket games and absinthe in oxford with bill robinson.

and certainly without fail i would have fondly remembered my first trip to paris directly following aix. how terrifying and liberating it was to be on my own in that (for lack of a better and less histronic description) magical city which has always (and very strangely) felt completely like home to me. and the excitement of finding that elise happened to be there, too. the unhurried days of meeting at random metro stops and wandering aimlessly through whichever rendissement we happened to find ourselves in. no clue as to where or how we would get from a to be -- simply trusting in the guidance of the ¨white man¨ who dictated when and in which direction we would go at each corner.

even if i had done nothing at all outside of the limits of the city it would have been intensely amazing. oh, to have perfected my mastery of the french language...it would have been lovely. and comfortingly familiar. which is precisely why i scrapped the entire plan (in addition to some family emergencies which came into play at the end of last summer). i saw that this was something which was safe for me. i wanted to push myself, to experience a culture wholly different from my own. and as such, france seemed less and less like the right choice for me in that moment.

given my interests and studies at the time, south america seemed a perfect fit for me. the only problem was that i didn´t speak any spanish. none. and buenos aires was the only program that i knew of in which i could get away with going to a place without having any discernable skills with the native language. after some careful deliberation, i thought this would be a fabulous alternative.

then came the word of mouth...buenos aires is incredible. you´ll love it there. good god i can´t believe you´re going to argentina -- it´s going to blow your mind... and then when i heard this was the paris of south america, i developed an irresistable idea of a place which blended classic european elements with the more exotic and, well, ¨sexy¨ elements we tend to believe are typical of latin american cultures. i had visions of grandeur - of streets which overflowed with culture. of new people and experiences. i imagined a tropical paradise - not in the idyllic sense which we so often see rendered in paintings or depicted in the jamaican travel agencies, but in the sense that the physical setting would at least involve a significantly larger amount of greenery than i was used to and the cultural setting would be so multifaceted and rich that every moment, nearly every breath would certainly be occupied with my attempts to take eveyrthing in.

but that is not what buenos aires is about. i know this will be almost impossible to believe, but this city is almost entirely devoid of culture with the exception of the rich culture of tango, the interesting histories of the barrios of la bocca and san telmo, and a handful of other things. porteños (those born and raised in buenos aires) spend a great deal of time chatting themselves up about how cultured they are and how much culture the city has, but fail to live up to their empty promises.

it´s terribly confusing. in the united states, the forced transculturation between slaves, european and asian immigrants, and hispanic populations (and of course others as time progressed) gave birth to a culture (and indeed an entire slew of distinct subcultures) which are peculiar to our country. argentina experienced mildly similar patterns of immigration, and yet the total opposite happened. it turns out that all of fantasies about what south america would be happen to be true in other places (especially places such as venezuela or the carribean). just not here.

turns out, in argentina´s case all of the magic is in the countryside. those porteños willing to be completely honest with me have admitted this time and time again. the charming and seductive areas near the andes mountains to the west, the sleepy and tranquil cities near the lake district to the southwest, or the simply breathtaking areas such as the waterfalls to the north or the glaciers and the (literally) end of the world in the far south. but once again, i reiterate. that is not here. and here is where i am.

unfortunately, i do not have the kind of money that some of the others in the program have access to and i have not had the ability to travel. i hear about all of these incredibly experiences people are having, and that makes me terribly jealous. i know the whole bit about being grateful to be here at all... (and i certainly hate the amount of complaining i´m indulging in at this moment -- but these are my real sentiments, my honest frustrations) but i would be lying if i said it didn´t add a touch of insult to injury when i realize that for all of my intense desire, hard work, and noble intentions (no seriously. all of that idealistic junk about wanting to experience a typically marginalized culture...you know the drill. that was me. whereas so many other people in my program have demonstrated little more than the desire to be drunk in another country and THEY are the ones who are, for lack of a better expression, having my amazing experiences) something as superficial as money is preventing me from really having an authentic argentinian experience. because if you really want to get right down to the heart of the matter -- and i know how shitty and pretentious this is going to sound -- i worked my ass off, so incredibly fucking hard, to be able to have this unforgettable experience and i truly feel like i deserve it a whole hell of a lot more than some of the other assholes here.

there. it´s been said.

so yes. there is no culture in buenos aires. those of you who have said you´re jealous -- please don´t be. you´re not missing anything. the only thing that´s different about this city is that there´s a little more spanish every once in a while.

however, lacking a true sense of culture is the only thing i can hold buenos aires accountable for. and this is only one tiny, nominal element which has made this trip so incredibly difficult for me. the rest of it comes from my own bag of tricks. my insecurities. my neuroses. my crazy. and i will own them -- own up to them. for the first time. which i can very literally equate with opening a pandora´s box of issues.


[...and this is where that aforementioned laziness kicks in.]

mood: ...
music: the magic numbers - love is just a game


right now. in this very moment.

i could have been a graduate from loyola university chicago. magna cum laude. b.a. in theatre with minors in anthropology and french. ph.d. in bs and rocking at life. i could be free. i could be done.


but instead i´m in argentina.

mood: ¨what a difference a day makes...¨
music: bloc party - blue light


unbelievable.


tuesday evening, my academic adviser took me galavanting around barrio norte. we window shopped. went to an amazing exhibit called ¨crudo y cocido¨ (raw and cooked) on subversive and political imagery in food compositions. talked politics and culture and why learning how not to care could be one of the most important and difficult lessons ever learned. not something you´ll ever dig up with your nose burried in a text book. on a whim he decided to pierce his cartilage and i held his hand through the pain (reminded me of old times with sammie in MN). obviously this is the coolest academic adviser who has ever lived.

most importantly, tuesday evening germán introduced me to project ¨no me importa¨ (it doesn´t matter to me / i don´t give a fuck) and i can hardly imagine that things will ever be the same.

mood: ...
music: bloc party - blue light / i still remember

i think it´s officially fall in argentina. walking home with sean (happy 21st champ! so glad we got you started off right!!) and liam last night, i realized that my teeth were very literally chattering. given the weather of the past 2 months, that was quite the shock.

so now comes the time for double layers, oatmeal for breakfast, and all the wonderful fashion options of the autumn season. as i´ve said time and time again, this is my favorite time of the year. i´m hoping this fact will allow the next two months to pass as quickly and as enjoyably as possible.

in other news, spring break is in full swing. everyone who was leaving is officially gone. my supply of cohorts has been more or less wiped out. essentially, i am on my own for the rest of the week. half of me is upset and wondering what the devil i´m going to do with myself. half of me is curious and excited about what sort of misadventures await me. i´ve already got plans to hit up a few museums, landmarks, and other areas of interest, and i might be hanging out with some people from other programs in the city.

mood: ¿?
music: bloc party - blue light


so i´m on spring break. theoretically. i say theoretically because i can´t go anywhere for the week. why? you might ask. what a travesty! you might screech.

i have to stay for my dance class. since i have it monday, wednesday, friday, to peace out would mean to miss all three days in a row. and that just seems irresponsible. which doesn´t really explain why i didn´t go wednesday and have no intention of going today.

usually i´m so very responsible. SO very responsible. to a painful and occasionally regrettable degree. i´m not entirely sure i know what´s going on.

something about this place is starting to get to me.

mood: it´s already may
music: ingrid michaelson - breakable

¨anyone who´s goal is 'something higher' must expect someday to suffer vertigo. what is vertigo? fear of falling? then why do we feel iteven when the observation tower comes equipped with a sturdy handrail? no, vertigo is something other than the fear of falling. it is the voice of the emptiness below us which tempts and lures us, it is the desire to fall, against which, terrified, we defend ourselves...

several hours after the decision she fell in the street and injured her knee. she began to teter as she walked, fell almost daily, bumped into things or, at the very least, dropped objects.

she was in the grip of an insuperable longing to fall. she lived in a constant state of vertigo.

'pick me up,' is the message of a person who keeps falling.¨

--milan kundera, the unbearable lightness of being



have you ever thought about what protects our hearts? / just a cage of rib bones and other various parts / so it´s fairly simple to cut right through the mess / and to stop the muscle that makes us confess

and we are so fragile / and our cracking bones make noise / and we are just breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys

and you fasten my seatbelt because it is the law / and in your 2-ton death trap i finally saw / a piece of love in your face that bathed me in regret / then you drove me to places i´ll never forget

and we are so fragile / and our cracking bones make noise / and we are just breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys

and we are so fragile / and our, our cracking bones make noise / and we are just breakable, breakable, breakable girls / breakable, breakable, breakable girls / breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys...

mood: ouch.
music: when you were young


1. i have mid terms next week. that means i am midway through the semester. when the devil did that happen and how do i undo it?

2. i am having a sordid (very sordid indeed) and yet, mostly silent relationship with the best and most gorgeous male dancer in my modern class. it´s totally brill.

3. BsAs has a very unique smell. especially in the afternoon on very very hot summer days and evenings. i never could quite place what it was, though i knew for certain i did not like it. i knew it wasn´t the bus or car fumes. i knew it wasn´t residue from a factory or anything like that. it was something so familiar. right on the tip of my tongue. and yet, i couldn´t put my finger oh it. very recently, the answer occured to me very suddenly.

it´s the smell...

...of dog shit.

mood: finalmente bueno
music: lily allen - ldn


tried to go to the feria de libros today. assumed it would be free. i hold that this was a completely sound assumption, given the nature of the event. we discovered that there is, in fact, a seven peso ¨cover¨ to get in. i have a fundamental problem with the idea of having to pay to get into a book fair. so did tara. as such, we did not go. the fair lasts until may 7th, so we have devised a plan of sorts to get in for free. it will take a great deal of patience and planning to pull it off, and may involve the loss of a certain amount of dignity.


but i´m willing to go there. i really like book fairs. a lot.

mood: blah
music: the postal service - the district sleeps alone tonight


i´ve spent a great deal of time being exceptionally unhappy in buenos aires. there. it´s been said.

i feel like a petulant child. but at the same time, i know for a fact that my reasons are completely and totally legitimate.





time for a change?
time for a change.

mood: dance class kicked my ass
music: the killers - read my mind




i'm going to Jesus Land this weekend.
oh yes. a theme park dedicated to christianity.



this should be good.

mood: ?!
music: julieta venegas - limón y sal


lovely day. went walking aimlessly with shanéll. we finally got to go to this amazing store my sister was telling me about. it´s pretty much amazing. i don´t really know how to describe it - a little bit like the gap meets h&m in women´s clothing. classic, stylish, but not uptight. totally brill. i have a feeling i´m going to lose all my pesos in that store.

i also finally ended my never-ending search for pretzels. this means that i now have pretzels to eat my nutella with. this means that bs´as just got a whole lot sweeter.

later in the afternoon we wandered over to a park down by the river. it was gorgeous. lots of obnoxiously adorable couples cuddling on the open lawns. everything about the place was perfect and we decided to waste the rest of our day there...that was, until an old creepy granvillian type came and sat down on the monument stairs diagonally across from us and began to pleasure himself. broad daylight. children everywhere. it was the single most disgusting and disturbing this i have witnessed to date. we thought we´d just turn around and ignore it, but after a while we figured out that he was watching us while doing it and attempting to hide the deed whenever anyone else passed by. that really freaked my shit out. plus, he´d been at it for damn near 2 hours by then. we quickly made our exit.

given this and the random and very wild events of wednesday night (which i may or may not disclose at a later date) - i´m just about ready to declare that i´ve seen enough male genitalia in one week to last the rest of my life.

seriously, though. i don´t think i´m okay with this.

mood: pensive
music: me voy



¨i´m so glad you were finally able to get away. it will be the longest and deepest breath you will ever take...¨

¨you´re absolutely right, but the thing is . . . when you´re finally able to breathe, you have to come face to face with everything that forced you to hold your breath in the first place...





porque no supiste entender a mi corazón / lo que había en el porque no tuviste el valor de ver quien soy / porque no escuchas lo que está tan cerca de ti / sólo el ruido de afuera y yo / que estoy a un lado desaparezco para ti

no voy a llorar y decir que no merezco esto / porque es probable que lo merezco pero no lo quiero por eso me voy / que lástima pero adios / me despido de ti y me voy / que lástima pero adios / me despido de ti

porque sé que me espera algo mejor / alguien que sepa darme amor / de ese que endulza la sal y hace que salga el sol / yo que pensé nunca me iria de ti que es amor / del bueno de toda la vida / pero hoy entendí que no hay suficiente para los dos

no voy a llorar y decir que no merezco esto / porque es probable que lo merezco pero no lo quiero por eso me voy / que lástima pero adios / me despido de ti y me voy / que lástima pero adios me despido de ti

me voy
que lástima pero adios / me despido de ti y me voy
que lástima pero adios / me despido de ti y me voy
que lástima pero adios / me despido de ti y me voy
que lástima pero adios / me despido de ti
y me voy...

mood: vindicated
music: black eyed peas - bebot


http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A53452


finally, someone understands where i´m coming from on the cat issue.

mood: daring
music: babasonicos - puesto

so this begins my week off for semana santa [holy week]. technically we have class next tuesday and wednesday, but the chances of me going are slim to none at this juncture. i mean, the banks are closed all next week. if federal financial institutions see no reason to recognize their obligations for the week then neither do i.

most of the people in the program have gone off traveling. but for the handful of us that are still around, the week is sure to be packed full of misadventures, immortalized in countless pictures which will end up on the facebook.

fuzzy photos. fuzzy memories. this should be good...


y´know...i´ve never been a huge fan of catholicism, given that one horrifying experience i had at as a guest at mass when i was 8. but i have to say, the fairly strict observance of religious holidays both here [98% of the population identifies as roman catholic, 5% are actually practicing catholics] and back at loyola has bestowed all sorts of days off from school upon me. and for that, i am always grateful.

so thanks catholicism.

it would be probably be the tiniest bit blasphemous to say that i´ll be drinking in your honor for the next week...so let´s just call it liberal consumption of communion wine...

mood: time to observe the siesta
music: alex ubago - sigo buscando


argentineans say funny things to me sometimes:


¨what?! you went to münchi´s instead of freddo? i don´t think we are talking ANY more...¨ -- matty, my host sister´s boyfriend (münchi´s and freddo are competing ice cream chains)


¨if you do not use the tupperware, if you put the whole pot in the refrigerator, you will go to the hell. immediately¨-- copete, my host father, on the subject of opitmal conditions for storing the leftover rice


(as she searches in her purse to find her ringing cell phone)
¨if your cell phones ring in class, i will kill you. literally.¨ --elina, my spanish teacher


¨take joe, for example. every day he sleeps for 10-15 minutes during class. and he thinks i don´t know...¨--sylvia, my other spanish teacher, on the subject of strange mannerisms of american students

¨there are always some problems with the ies students having an argentinean boyfriend or girlfriend. in four months you will have to go back to the united states. june and july are always terribly dramatic months with people dying and crying all the time...¨--sylvia


¨if you are still not feeling well, you must be quiet with the manteca...¨ --eugenia, my host mother (manteca=butter...i was making toast)


¨oh i love the BAFICI! i like to go after midnight...they have the CRAZIEST stuff...like, left-wing communist porn! i LOVE it...!!¨--ariel, my anthro prof (BAFICI=upcoming indie film festival)

mood: i should SO be studying right now
music: raconteurs - steady as she goes


so i´m sick. real sick.
with something that is determined to take me down.

it started with a cold. no sweat. i spent a couple days doped up on dayquil/nyquil and mucinex. i was even starting to feel a little better.

but no. friday i was attacked by these awful awful stomach pains and several other gastro-intestinal maladies that you really don´t want me to go into detail about. i haven´t been outside in 2 days. i spend most of my time in transit between my bed and the bathroom. when i´m not running to vomit bile one can find me laying down, rubbing my belly and willing myself to feel better. this sucks. it makes me nostalgic for the days when mommy was around to take care of everything [including the rubbing of the tummy] while i concentrated on watching tv and eating jell-o all day. those were good days.

apparently this virus has been going around. in fact, my host sister just got over it a couple of days ago, so i know where i got it from. on the upside, she was able to tell me just what to do in order to get better faster. i´m hoping to be 100% in the next couple of days.


in other news...

week three is complete. god, i can´t believe i´ve already been here for 3 weeks.

classes are bueno. spanish is coming along nicely and my anthro class looks like it´s going to be totally clutch once we get going. i´m pretty much in love with my prof. he´s simply amazing - hilarious, chill, and always seems to be slightly intoxicated...but in the good way. and he´s best friends with the lead singer of babasonicos, which is an incredibly popular and long-standing indie/rock pop group based out of bs-as. he´s going to get some of us in the class vip passes to a concert or a private party or something later on in the semester. he does´t know this yet. but we´re confident that he´ll figure it out.

thursday night a bunch of us decided to hit the town [interjection/digression: at this point, i have to note that before i went out, i was talking with my host family about the similarities and differences between the partying schedules of americans and argentineans. i ended up explaining to them what ¨thirsty thursday¨ is and my host father fell in love with the concept because of the alliteration in the title...these people are so funny] . anyway, we heard about a club that played hip-hop music (called lost, or club2424 depending on who you consult), and in an effort to escape the omnipresent techno, trance, and house stuff the majority of the places play, decided to investigate. we hit up our usual shamrock for some pregaming. they have sweet deals for happy hour, and the atmosphere is pretty good for getting the night started. i tried to play it pretty cool (telling the guys who approached me that i spoke neither english or spanish) while diem and tara chatted up a few guys, and wasted britney insisted on blowing my cover time and time again. at one point, there were literally 7 guys standing around in a circle, trying to chat with us. she thought it was hilarious. i was slightly disgruntled and resented the 36 year-old who kept talking to brit and felt it was appropriate to perch on my leg while he did so. after a while, when i finally figured out why it was that i couldn´t feel my calf any more, joe came to our rescue and declared that it was time to get moving to the next location.

after turning down a couple of offers from drunk argentines to drive us to lost, we hopped in a cab. the scene was pretty interesting. seriously diverse crowd. after cashing in our round of free drinks we settled in on the balcony with some other folks from the program. on the main level there were some amazing break dancers. i mean like straight 80´s, hardcore, breakin 2: electric bugaloo type dancing. two guys and a girl, and the girl was phenomenal...seriously, she was the shit! eventually, the real music kicked in and everybody packed into the main dance floor. it was more or less just like going to the club back in the states, so it wasn´t anything life-altering. but it was nice to have just a little taste of something familiar. i think it´ll probably end up being our regular thursday spot.

on friday, i dragged my ass out of bed for my 9AM conversation class, which is basically a session where 3 of us sit around and talk to a teacher in spanish. all the second hand smoke i inhaled thursday night left me sounding like an 85 year old lifetime smoker. but hey, at least i was there. joe didn´t even make it at all. i ran into him later when we were completing step 876 of 2356542879 in the longest and most complicated student visa process ever created and he looked like death. so we decided to go get some lunch. he took me to a place that he´d supposedly been to before where one could get an amazing steak for 8 pesos. when we got there, it turned out that he had actually never been there before, but had seen it. and his info about the steak had been received from probably the most unreliable girl in the entire ies program (it actually cost 20 pesos). to top it all off, right before we got our food, a tiny little cockroach crawled across our table. now if you know me at all, you know how well i get along with insects, so i´m sure you can conjure up an image of how i handled that. i love joe dearly, more dearly than any of the other guys in the program. but i am never ever letting him take me anywhere. ever. again.

friday night my lovely ladies krystle, shanell, and i went to the alejandro sanz concert (he did the song ¨la tortura¨ with shakira a couple of years ago). not gonna lie, it was pretty stellar. shanell has been a die-hard fan for over a decade so she was pretty much in heaven. krystle enjoys random adventures, so she was pacified. and as for me, i didn´t really understand the majority of what he was singing, but the music was pretty. and since shanell took it upon herself to teach me the words to his most recent hit ¨te lo agradezco, pero no¨ (also with shakira) i was singing my little heart out during that one song. all in all, i´d say it was a success.


yesterday and today i have been quarantined. i really really should have spent more time studying, but it´s hard to keep one´s face in a book when one´s face is in the toilet...ah well...


besos,
t

mood: i´ve spent too much time inside today
music: james morrison - the letter


allow me to introduce you to james morrison.

if you do not listen to his music, you will die unhappy and alone.

just kidding.
you were going to die unhappy and alone anyway...



seriously, though. check him out. youtube him. myspace. his website.

--undiscovered
--you give me something
--wonderful world
--this boy
--the letter

let me know what you think.

besos,
t

mood: level-headed
music: tegan and sara - i know, i know, i know


so classes started this week. so far i´m taking 9 credit hours of spanish, an anthro class, and at least 2 types of dance (modern, flamenco, and perhaps tango). however the dance classes do not commence for another 3 weeks since they are actually taken at a legit argentine university. for now, i have only 2 classes a week.

i´ll give you a moment to let you overcome your jealousy.

spanish class is fantastic. in the spirit of truly learning through immersion, the the sessions are conducted entirely in spanish. this is fine for me, since i can generally understand everything that´s going on. it does not, however, work for everyone else. this fact, however, worked doubly well for me today, as it was amusing when our prof stopped the class to ask one of the students if he was actually on the verge of tears. i say this not out of a mean spirit (well, perhaps slightly mean), but because he´s a jerk. if he´s stuffering in class, it´s merely his comeuppence.

as for the anthro class, during our introductory period we discussed the power dynamics of the male gaze, use of the words punta (bitch/whore) and puntita (¨dearest whore¨), the ironic identity crisis of the gauchos, old-school eurocentrism among porteños (middle class people born and raised in bs as), and some of the parallels between the roots of tango and 50 cent.

the best part of it was that all of this discussion occured within 20 minutes. after that, we were dismissed for the day.

i like the man´s style.


all in all, i´d say things are looking up. i´m getting used the city, to the people, to the lifestyle. sometimes i even begin to feel a porteño-esque...that is, until i have to have any sort of human contact with someone who is actually a porteño. but for the most part, i´m doing alright. i´ve now managed to take the bus TWICE without serious incident. i consider this a victory. half of the locals cannot figure out the bus system here, so every time that i do, i celebrate...with a little dance. don´t judge me.

in addition, i´ve become the resident expert in two areas:

1) amongst my friends, i am the official navigator. my good sense of direction and handiness with maps has assured me a temporarily excellent social standing (many thanks are due to my mother, who forced me to learn to read a map against my very stubborn 8-year-old will). this is more crucial than you might think, given that this program is like one giant repetition of high school where you risk being ¨dropped¨ at a moment´s notice. it´s not that i´m desperate to have the most friends, it´s just that they speak more spanish than i do. and it helps to have them around to assist me when i accidentally order 62 cups of coffee. you might say that i´m using these people. i call it taking advantage of my resources.

2) my host family has discovered the joys of humus. they are in awe of the chick-pea and all of its health benefits. they also find it to be quite a cute little vegetable. since i explained to them that i eat humus all the time in the states, they have designated me as the pseudo humus ambassador. they ask for different suggestions for flavorings, and whenever my host father finds a combination of seasonings that he finds suitable, the final concoction must past my standards in order to be served to the rest of the family. it´s fairly hilarious. the only problem is that there is now always a tiny bowl of humus floating around somewhere in the loft. and the fam seems to think that i will partake of it all the time. every day. don´t get me wrong, i love humus. just not on a never-ending-supply basis.



well, yet again i leave feeling as though there are significant parts of my experience that i´d like to relay to you, but you see, i´m a little bit lazy. and in the battle between my blog and my bed...the bed ALWAYS wins.

so...

besos
t

music: alejandro sanz - te lo agradezco, pero no
mood: adventurous

just finished up week two of orientation. on the whole, i´d say this has been one incredible waste of my time in terms of learning anything new. all of the exploring and learning of language happens on my own time, so all the other stuff is pretty much pointless. but i guess it has its good points as well.

on friday they took us out to an estancia, which is basically a psuedo-farm/country estate. i should have known the experience would be less than what i had hoped for. first of all, it was cold. not cold in the sense that i needed my winter coat and gloves, but cold in the sense that in any other situation, my ass would have stayed inside. second of all, we were supposed to leave at 8:45 in the morning, but didn´t end up going until somewhere around 10:30 - though i have to say such an occurrence is fairly typical with ies down here. then, while we were on the interstate, there was suddenly a moment when i was rudely awakened from my slumber by the screaming of idiot girls. turns out we had run over a very cute and cuddly dog. (is it wrong that i was mostly just annoyed that they had woken me up?)

all of these things should have been signs. though i must say, i really enjoyed it for the first hour. i mean, getting swarmed by mosquitos and mauled by low-hanging tree branches during the carriage ride was just peachy. things did pick up a little bit when we had lunch. i must have eaten 8 different types of meat. i had no idea what they were, but damn if they weren´t tasty. the desserts were pretty amazing as well. needless to say this was my favorite portion of the day.

during the afternoon, most everyone went off to ride bikes, go for walks, play soccer, and/or pretend that it was actually warm enough to go swimming, which it wasn´t. my girls and i decided to be lazy bums, so we pulled some lawn chairs into the half-assed sunlight and partook in the siesta. eventually, susana and i gave in to our alcoholic tendencies and split a bottle of chardonnay. oh yes, we´re ballers. i thought you knew...

so yes, while it was somewhat enjoyable, it reminded me of how much i don´t care for the countryside. apparently everyone else could tell as well. at least 4 different people told me that they were surprised that i went, considering how much of i city girl i obviously am. i don´t know if that´s a good thing or a bad thing.

ok, i´ve got so much more to talk about, including the night life, st patty´s day, and my adventures with learning how to tango. but it´s such a beautiful day outside, and i feel like i need to go do something with my life that doesn´t involve staring at a computer screen...

besos
t

mood: settled!
music: regina spektor - hotel song


prego! (yeah, i know, that´s italian, not spanish)

ok. there´s just so much to talk about - so many things to address and explain. i´m gonna do my best to break it down for you. here´s the list so far:

my home and family
food
daily life
tv and music
people
weather
language
fashion
odds & ends

we´ll see how many of these i can get through before i get caught in a wave of apathy and give up...

home and fam--

i´m just in love with my fmail - they´re so very nice. i live with my father, copete, an events planner and my mother, eugenia, who is a high school lit teacher. her daughter, sofi, also lives with us. she´s 23 and a psych student at the universidad de buenos aires. she´s pretty much the greatest. i fully intend on enlisting her as one of my partners in crime - as well as her boyfriend, matty, who´s pretty much a fixture here at the apartment. he´s 23, also a student, though i forget in what. he´s a good guy. terribly gorgeous. good sense of humor. and we bonded over liking a lot of the same music.

both copete and eugnia have 2 sons and 2 daughters each from previous marriages. copete´s daughter cecile is actually housing another one of the IES students. his other daughter, loli, was just in town (she actually lives in the southern part of the country - patagonia) for her brother´s (copete´s youngest son) wedding. she´s a total badass. i´m hoping to go down and visit her some weekend. sofi is eugenia´s daughter, but there is also her sister paz, who lives a few blocks from us with her beautiful husband, santiago (a lawyer who enjoys playing rugby in his free time), and their adorable children, flori, and alejandro. i haven´t met either of eugenia´s sons, but they look like wonderful people in the family photos.

then there is grace, our maid. she´s pretty much hilarious. everyone in the family speaks at least decent english. not so for grace. or so she says. i´m pretty sure she understands a very little bit. but she refuses to speak it with me. she insists that i practice with her. it´s very sink or swim. i love it. she´s just a great presence to have around. she has a way of organizing things that just boggles my mind. i keep my room very neat so as not seem rude, but every time she cleans it, it turns out looking at least 100 times more tidy...oh, she´s good.

food--

beef, beef, and more beef is the name of the game here. i kind of feel like i´m back in texas, only with superior steaks. i´m telling you, they´re out of this world. i don´t know what it is about the way they cook them - i think they must put crack in them or something. on the whole, the foods that they eat are not terribly different from things we have in the states...they just taste better here because they´re foreign. (the only odd thing is that nothing is really spicy at all, if you want something cooked picante, you have to specify.) some standard foods are empanadas (just like the ones in the states) with beef, ham & cheese, just cheese, or corn; milanesa, which is basically a very very very thin pork chop or chicken fried steak; dulce de leche (the real and so much better form of caramel); mate, a very potent herbal tea; and lots and lots and lots of very cheap, very delicious vino...oh yes, they´re winos. i fit in quite well.

breakfast is typically something small - cereal OR toast OR fruit, never all of it at the same time. no eggs whatsoever with breakfast. ever. in fact, they think our practice is strange, and the smell of fried eggs in the morning makes most argentines feel ill. lunch and dinner are pretty much the same type of dishes we have back home, only with eggs from time to time. they´re very into desserts and dessert coffees and typically have one after every single lunch and dinner. i do not fight it. so far the best thing i´ve had has been part of the wedding cake, which was basically a torte with dulce de leche layers and a confectioner´s sugar merengue for icing. yeah, i pretty much died a little inside when i ate that.

daily life--

really, it´s your basic big metropolitan area. living in rogers park was a total preparation for this. you´ve got overcrowded buses and trains which everyone takes to get everywhere, people all around, you have to watch your back for pick-pockets - especially once they hear you speaking english, buenos aires even has it´s own version of the granvillian. i feel right at home. i´d say the pace is a bit slower, especially when it rains. and the times they keep here are quite an adjustment. up at 8 or 9 for breakfast, lunch at 12 or 1, tea at 5 or 6, dinner at 9 or 10, pregaming at midnight, out to the bars/clubds at 1 or 2, home at 6 or 7. and repeat. as someone who requires between 8 and 9 hours of sleep to avoid killing innocent bystanders, i can´t quite keep up with them yet. but soon. very soon. i will master it. i haven´t hit the night life at all yet. but this weekend we´ve all already made plans to get quite rowdy...

tv and music--

yeah, they pretty much have a lot of the shows and channels we do. so far i´ve found: animal planet, vh1, mtv, cnn, bbc world, cartoon network, a&e, the discovery channel, my wife and kids, will and grace, next, south park, seinfeld, what about brian, law and order svu, csi, smallville, psych, monk, sex and the city, desperate houswives, heroes, everybody hates chris, mythbusters, dog the bounty hunter, that 70´s show, the queen, stranger than fiction, notes on a scandal -- and the best part of all ... scrubs and grey´s anatomy!! i´m in heaven.

i know, you´re asking why i would waste my time watching tv, esp american shows. it´s actually quite helpful. the spanish subtitles have helped me to recognize certain words and phrases. and in the mornings i watch the local news in spanish. so it´s not an entirely futile practice.

as for music, they listen to a lot of stuff from the states and england. british pop/rock is actually matty´s favorite genre. a lot of the stuff from the us is 80´s and 90´s, which i love, but they have newer stuff as well. the other night we listened to nora jone´s first cd during dinner. last night was shakira - whom matty and sofi have beef with. they think she was much better when she was singing in spanish. after hearing it, i have to agree.

i haven´t heard too much spanish pop music, but i really like it so far. i can´t wait for the day when i understand what it is i´m listening to. at the end of the month i´m going to an alejandro sanz (la tortura with shakira) concert. should be a rockin good time.

people --

most people are overwhelmingly beautiful here. all the of the women are very very small. it´s mind boggling, considering how much they eat. apparently, there is a problem with the emulation of models and eating disorders, but i know the women in my family can put away some serious amounts of food and none of them could possibly weigh over 130-140 lbs. it´s just not fair.

as for the guys, the majority of them are at least decently good looking. but there is an unusually large percentage of devastatingly beautiful men. it´s so terribly distracting. for example, the sidewalks here are often more pothole than walkway and i tripped in one and almost totally KO´d the other day because i was distracted by this guy that was passing. it was mortifying at best.

people are generally very nice. i try to throw some broken spanish at them once in a while and they seem to find it more charming than obnoxious. they even humor me from time to time and pretend to understand what i´m saying. they do tend to stare a lot and catcalls are not exactly rare. we all know why that is. they´re very intrigued by the whole black girl thing. everyone thinks i´m brazillian and a few people have seen my passing as an excellent òpportunity to practice their portugese. they are quickly disappointed.

weather--

well, it´s a far cry from chicago. it´s been in the 80´s since i got here. lots and lots of sun. the humidity takes no prisoners. it´s crazy, but not quite as crazy as new orleans. i´ll take it. however, yesterday and today were a change of pace as yesterday evening we very suddenly entered monsoon season. i knew it was the rainy season coming into this, but everyone neglected to mention that there is no such thing as a ¨shower¨ here. only torrential downpours. super torrential downpours. and not quite torrential downpours. i got caught without my umbrella yesterday while i was walking home from shopping with my amigas...it was awful. i didn´t so much mind being completely soaked, seeing as how it was warm rain. it was just that i was unwittingly forced into a wet t-shirt contest by virtue of the fact that my polo was completely drenched and drawing lots and lots of unnecessary attention to my chest. also, i was wearing a very light colored, very thin skirt. yeah, the local men took notice. they were harmless, but it was just quite an experience to have after being here for 4 days.

the good thing about the rain is that it cools things down quite a bit. fall is on the way, so i look forward to this as a continuing trend. people keep telling me that it gets cold here and they hope i brought winter clothing. cold is a high in the 50´s or 60´s with a low in the 40´s. mostly i laugh and explain how it was snowing when i got on the plane in chicago and for a 2 week span in feb it never got about 10 degrees and was frequently 1 or 2 degrees for the high. they look at me as if to ask, ¨how can one live in such a godless tundra?¨

language--

i´m picking it up quickly. all of my years of french are very helpful, although it is hard to rewire my automatic pronunciation tendencies sometimes. we have these orientation classes that are supposed to teach us basic survival terms, but since it´s not technically a spanish class, we´re not learning verbs and the like. so i´m building up vocabulary without any clue as to how to use it. awesome. orientation is quite the waste of time and most of us have started skipping our sessions...i doubt anyone will be going to anything by the end of next week...

the thing about argentinian spanish is that it is catezano, which means that some of the sounds they use are very very different from most of the rest of the spanish-speaking world. for example, the ¨ll¨ is usually pronounced as the american ¨y¨ but here, is pronounced ¨zsch¨ so when i get back, everyone will wonder what the devil i´m saying and immediately know that i learned to speak spanish in argentina. yes, i will have a superiority complex.

fashion--

not too much to report here. they are very very ecclectic. pretty much no matter what you wear, you´ll fit in. just no sweats. they find those to be tacky. and i haven´t seen too many women wearing heels, since they walk so much. they make all of the flats very cute and versatile. this is exciting, considering i brought like 8 pairs of heel and am terrified of wearing them out. there´s no way my feet would survive. yes, i knew this coming in. yes i am an idiot for packing them and will be sending them home in a couple of weeks.

odds and ends--

i went to the supermarket for the first time the other day. that was quite interesting. the one by my loft is two-stories, so there´s a moving ramp to go between levels. it´s nice and easy if the wheels on your cart catch the right mechanism that holds it in place while you´re in motion. unfortunately, mine did not. in retrospect, i´m sure i looked very funny. they also have no problem making you wait long periods of time to check out. about 3/4 of the checkout lines were open and there were at least 6 people with full carts waiting in each of them at any given time. i was in a particularly good humor at the time, and so didn´t mind too much. but most americans would have had a complete temper tantrum.

also, argentine children are terribly exhausting. at the market they were literally running around everywhere as their poor mothers tried desperately to keep an eye on them while trying to decide between coke zero or 7-up free. in the checkout line there was a lady with a little boy and little girl. the little girl only took marginal interest in me and instead invested herself in trying to pull down every cookie and chip display she could. the little boy, however, found my groceries to be terribly fascinating, and spent a total of at least 10-15 just holding onto the end of my cart, assessing it´s contents and judging the quality of my selections. i have no idea whether he approved or not, but i know he gave it a great deal of consideration. i was more or less too tired and sweaty to be annoyed with him. in fact, he was kind of adorable...


so that´s about it for now. i´m getting along very well. i´m just trying to keep a sense of humor about everything. it makes it so much easier. at first i didn´t think i could pull off four months of this, but now...i´m thinking i could get used to it...

besos.

mood: holy shit
music: john mayer - clarity




seriously...there just aren´t adequate words to describe it.



seriously.

mood: so ready...
music: chantal kreviazuk - leaving on a jet plane


this is so unreal.

time to fly...


what's new, buenos aires?
i'm new
i wanna say i'm just a little stuck on you
you'll be on me, too

i get out here, bueno aires
stand back,
you oughta know whatcha gonna get in me
just a little touch of star quality

fill me up with your heat, with your noise
with your dirt, overdo me
let me dance to your beat, make it loud
let it hurt, run it through me
don't hold back, you are certain to impress
tell the driver this is where i'm staying

hello, buenos aires
get this
just look at me dressed up, somewhere to go
we'll put on a show

take me in at your flood, give me speed
give me lights, set me humming
shoot me up with your blood, wine me up
with your nights, watching me coming
all i want is a whole lot of excess
tell the singer this is where i'm playing

stand back, buenos aires
because you oughta know whatcha gonna get in me
just a little touch of star quality

and if i ever go too far
it's because of the things you are
beautiful town, i love you
and if i need a moment's rest
give your lover the very best
real eiderdown and silence

you're a tramp, you're a treat
you will shine to the death
you are shoddy, but you're flesh, you are meat
you shall have every breath in my body
put me down for a lifetime of success
give me credit, i'll find ways of paying

rio de la plata
florida, corrientes, nueve de julio
all i want to know

stand back, buenos aires
because you oughta know watcha gonna get in me
just a little touch of
just a little touch of
just a little touch of star quality...

1. i am secretly a lot of things no one expects me to be.
2. i've recently developed this 'thing' for argyle and polka dots [though i adamantly believe the two should never be paired]. i cannot explain it. i have no idea where it came from.
3. i enjoy abbrev. words and phrases to the point where very few people can decipher what i am saying. when this is not possible, i just make words up.
4. the rumor is true. when i reach a certain point of drunkitude [see above], my texas drawl does resurface.
5. i am a terribly curious person. i want to know everything.
6. i will say i don't like or need surprises, but i actually do. a lot.
7. i narrate my life in my head. just like on tv. scrubs?
8. i have a strange obsession with orange and/or apple juice. if left unchaperoned with yours for any period of time, i will compulsively drink it all. but i will be terribly apologetic and even somewhat remorseful afterwards.
9. my interests are abstract and wide-ranging. don't try to figure out the correlation between them. there isn't one. they just...are.
10. i am a notoriously difficult person to shop for.
11. i tend to gravitate towards bands and artists who are more or less obscure so that when they gain notoriety i can say 'whatever. i liked them before they were famous...'
12. i like lists. and ending them arbitrarily.
13. modern and post modern art and art forms are a serious turn-on. "guys that'll get to date you are lucky. all they have to do is take you to a museum and i bet you'll put out. and, hell, all the museums in chicago have at least one free admission day..."
14. i have a filthy and caustically sarcastic sense of humor.
15. my lexicon is indeed scopious. somtimes obnoxiously so.
16. metaphysically speaking, i exist as a series of interrelated paradoxes and non-sequitors which add up to make perfect sense and no sense whatsoever at the same time.
17. i have been told that getting to know me is like peeling an onion. there are an infinite number of layers, and sometimes you'll cry.
18. i am a little crazy. just go with it.

mood: i have so much to get done by thursday, yet here i am, screwing around on blogger
music: death cab for cutie - marching bands of manhattan


that last post was kind of lame at the end. jordan, you were absolutley right to make fun of me.


T-Minus 5 days until i'm off to buenos aires. and i'm wondering: how will i spend my last few days in the states? shouldn't i spend these precious hours reflecting on my life, my time in college, all of those insane and intensely beautiful and meaningful moments, how much i adore all of my partners in crime (many of whom i'll be seeing for the last time as they graduate and leave the RoPa in may), maybe engage in a little nostaligic, meta-romantic idealizing of the 21 - almost 22 years which comprise my existence?

or should i procrastinate like it's my job, spend most of the week making poor decisions under the influence of alcohol, and sober up just in time to take 2 dramamine tablets and get on my flight?



the answer to this should be fairly obvious. here's the agenda thus far:

monday - megan and I have decided to impose a moratorium on productive activity of any kind. this includes, but is not limited to homework, cleaning, packing, prostitution, and drug dealing. Also, the ILU will celebrate it's final Monday Night Mockery session of the season. [goodbye to prison break, the hills, dancelife, and the boondocks]

tuesday - the foxy ladies of 6622 and friends will have one final Terrible Tuesday Beer Night, most likely involving a trip to Joe's. hopefully we will not be subjected to any of the god-awful bands they like to book.

wednesday - grownup day. this will include recovery and handling of any last minute things. you know, like finally getting around to packing for this trip. [goodbye to the real world and maui fever]

thursday - goodbye day with dr. karanja; turning in my final grad research project; picking her brain about my ideas for a mulcahy proposal for the fall. also heading down to cham/bana to see molly, kiss the fam goodbye, and rest up for friday's antics. [goodbye to grey's anatomy, the office, and scrubs]

friday - UNOFFICIAL! this is about to be an all-around hilarious time. i mean, drinking with almost an entire university? getting up at 6 AM so we can make it to the 7AM kegger and the 8 AM opening of the green street bars? how can you go wrong? that's right, you can't. plus, we made shirts. so you know this will be an event to remember. this also marks the first time my brother will have the privilege of hanging out with seriously drunk taria. i'm sure he'll be terribly entertained. or horrified.

saturday - heading back to the chi early for breakfast with ILU and the roommie. then...kiss this lady, goodbye...

sunday - begin causing trouble in the southern hemisphere.



my, what a very exciting week.




ps - shout out to clayton, matt, zak (and all the rest). TOC has now officially had a film featured on myspace. they're well on their way to being famous. i'm well on my way to selling stories [and possibly pictures to be photoshopped to depict compromising situations] to the tabloids...! everyone's a winner.