mood: curious
music: the pussycat dolls - buttons
it's hard to believe it's only been one week since i got myself into this mess.
but i'm in it.
way in it.
so deep.
it's also hard to believe it started off as innocent as it did. i was merely on a quest to expand my horizons and meet new people. and anita was the vehicle i used to achieve my goal. long story short: it all boils down to the inescapable fact that my hips don't lie . . . and after imbibing a fair share of the liquors, i am prone to "dancing with my tongue" [as some have so eloquently described it].
suffice it to say, i picked the wrong partner.
oh, it wasn't wrong at the time. [theoretically, it was, but i had no prior knowledge of the instability in the air and therefore claim innocence at this particular juncture -- for others, no. i am guilty as charged] so it wasn't wrong at the time. in fact, it was awesome.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Monday, June 19, 2006
mood: productive
music: elton john - rocketman
i know, i know. i am fully aware of the fact that there are roughly 7 trillion other exceedingly important things which i should be thinking about. i have this exceptionally complicated and powerful machine dedicated to constant acquisition of new knowledge, sythesizing old, and weaving through some of the most dense, complex, and paradoxical intricasies of the physical and ethereal universe.
and all i can do is think doilies, dresses, and tea parties.
i am so restless. i am so ready to make this happen, to leap, as it were. after a long and difficult sojurn down in the canyon, i have fought and scraped my way back to the edge of the plateau and i am so prepared to take this dive. but i am in time out. the powers that be have conspired to bring events to pass which leave me in this purgatory-esque state where i can only revel in suppositions about what it will be like once i am finally given clearance to fly.
i would be remiss if i didn't admit that this period of incubation was not for the best. there were old, old wounds -- some still ripe with grief -- which needed to be dealt with: opened, aired, tended to, and ultimately released. and there's no doubt that the process is not quite finished just yet. i also have the sneaking suspicion that this isn't just about me. on the other end of the spectrum, there exists another heart that i suspect is making excellent use of this time for healing. their preparation for my leap of faith is just as important -- if not moreso -- than my own.
and once both parties are fully ready . . . my suspension is lifted.
i get out of time out
i take to flight
and with the right amount of honesty, eloquence, love, luck, and faith
that 'i' turns into 'we'
you know, i used to believe that there were two kinds of people in the world: those who broke hearts, and those who got their hearts broken. [i was a card-carrying member of the latter category] but now i see . . . such a division is purely imaginary. we all -- including myself, as i have learned -- possess the power . . . and the liability . . . of being able to experience both.
at the same time, we are all capable of undoing damage -- of healing.
ourselves.
and others.
music: elton john - rocketman
i know, i know. i am fully aware of the fact that there are roughly 7 trillion other exceedingly important things which i should be thinking about. i have this exceptionally complicated and powerful machine dedicated to constant acquisition of new knowledge, sythesizing old, and weaving through some of the most dense, complex, and paradoxical intricasies of the physical and ethereal universe.
and all i can do is think doilies, dresses, and tea parties.
i am so restless. i am so ready to make this happen, to leap, as it were. after a long and difficult sojurn down in the canyon, i have fought and scraped my way back to the edge of the plateau and i am so prepared to take this dive. but i am in time out. the powers that be have conspired to bring events to pass which leave me in this purgatory-esque state where i can only revel in suppositions about what it will be like once i am finally given clearance to fly.
i would be remiss if i didn't admit that this period of incubation was not for the best. there were old, old wounds -- some still ripe with grief -- which needed to be dealt with: opened, aired, tended to, and ultimately released. and there's no doubt that the process is not quite finished just yet. i also have the sneaking suspicion that this isn't just about me. on the other end of the spectrum, there exists another heart that i suspect is making excellent use of this time for healing. their preparation for my leap of faith is just as important -- if not moreso -- than my own.
and once both parties are fully ready . . . my suspension is lifted.
i get out of time out
i take to flight
and with the right amount of honesty, eloquence, love, luck, and faith
that 'i' turns into 'we'
you know, i used to believe that there were two kinds of people in the world: those who broke hearts, and those who got their hearts broken. [i was a card-carrying member of the latter category] but now i see . . . such a division is purely imaginary. we all -- including myself, as i have learned -- possess the power . . . and the liability . . . of being able to experience both.
at the same time, we are all capable of undoing damage -- of healing.
ourselves.
and others.
Friday, June 09, 2006
mood: today feels strange
music: joshua radin - the fear you won't fall
here we are in the mist of summer in the city 2006. the theme for the season is: old enough to know better. it has little bearing as of now, but i feel it will in time. i mean, it's not hot, yet. allow me to explain. the temperate conditions we have enjoyed thus far have kept everyone calm and collected. we're all playing it cool, as it were. but have no doubt, once the mercury in the thermostat begins to creep upward, the sun mercilessly eliminating shadows, the humidity causing skin to uncomfortably unite with plastic composites, the wind refusing to give up even a breath of fresh breeze...shit WILL hit the fan. the excessively suffocating and depressing climate of mid to late summer annually results in a striking loss of brain activity in most, leading to increased bickering, gossip, inter-clique feuding, and petty hatred. for me, this usally means overtime as the friend counselor, some fringe squalls, and a whole lot of tongue-in-cheek laughter in observance of what must be terribly awkward situations for all guilty parties (and perhaps even the innocent bystanders).
i won't lie, i can't wait.
music: joshua radin - the fear you won't fall
here we are in the mist of summer in the city 2006. the theme for the season is: old enough to know better. it has little bearing as of now, but i feel it will in time. i mean, it's not hot, yet. allow me to explain. the temperate conditions we have enjoyed thus far have kept everyone calm and collected. we're all playing it cool, as it were. but have no doubt, once the mercury in the thermostat begins to creep upward, the sun mercilessly eliminating shadows, the humidity causing skin to uncomfortably unite with plastic composites, the wind refusing to give up even a breath of fresh breeze...shit WILL hit the fan. the excessively suffocating and depressing climate of mid to late summer annually results in a striking loss of brain activity in most, leading to increased bickering, gossip, inter-clique feuding, and petty hatred. for me, this usally means overtime as the friend counselor, some fringe squalls, and a whole lot of tongue-in-cheek laughter in observance of what must be terribly awkward situations for all guilty parties (and perhaps even the innocent bystanders).
i won't lie, i can't wait.
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