mood: so that's what it is
music: travis - the invisible band

what's with everyone being so full of angst?

i figured out what's been up with me. my soul. something's wrong with it. it's difficult to put into words. but here's the thing, i've acquired a certain set of things i do and ways in which i do them over the course of my life. i go to class, i get good grades, i work very hard, i excel at the social game, i'm charming, witty, funny, deep, analytical, critical (sometimes too much), possessive, sarcastic (sometimes too much), bitchy, i call things like i see them, i talk shit about people behind their backs and then say it to their faces (or not - depending. but i guarantee you do it as well), i listen - i listen well and make it easy for people to come to me and talk about their problems and/or ask for advice. whatever. that's just me. but i've made some huge personality transitions. it's the same old story about how i'm not the same person i used to be. and somewhere along the way, my habits may have been ignored. i changed, but the way i am did not. little surprise that my standard m.o. doesn't satisfy me anymore.

how desperately difficult it is to be honest with one's self. it is much easier to be honest with other people. - edward white benson

so what do i do now?