mood: ho hum...
music: john mayer - daughters

"I'm realizing what I need. No, what I want. I don't really need anything, now do I? Anyhoo. I know what my ideal is, and what I think it always has been. I want to be understood. I don't believe in that "you complete me" stuff. Two people are independent entities from each other. One and one equals (that's right, say it with me now) TWO. And that's not a bad thing. I am complete...at least I'm getting there. What I'm looking for is understanding. Sometimes, I feel like I'm less than 100% Meghan with people because I'm anxious to have that person see a certain part of me that I think they'll like best or perhaps that I want them to see and like best. Sometimes it's silliness and humor, other times it's depth and melancholy. Back to what I want though. I want someone to share the silence with. My gawd, I feel like I have so much bottled up inside of me, all these beautiful thoughts and emotions and ideas and words...that no matter how hard I try, I can't get outside of myself, I can't verbalize them, bring them into being. I want someone to know those things, see them INSIDE, understanding what's in there. I want him to think with me. And I, in turn, want to think with him. I want to know all his beautiful thoughts, too. I want to know that they're there and that they're magnificant, even if I don't know what the actual ideas are. And we can sit, music or silence, and think together. Wouldn't that be beautiful?"

how is it that someone i feel like i hardly know can verbalize the contents of my soul? my word. meghan is brilliant. and i get to live with her.

in other news:
HAPPY MOTHER FUCKING BIRTHDAY BILL!
(also to Bethy and James, but mostly to Bill)