"I have a supercomputer that can control any computerized system in the world. My girlfriend never has to stop at red lights... ever."

What a party. It was raging, like that bologna sandwich in that "talking to your kids about alcohol" commercial. We were the dirty socks. And man, we were great dirty socks, too. In all, I think we I learned some important things:

1. If you don't pay, you have to crawl into the party through the tube.

2. If humans had built in skin-flap clothes, they would have to download designs to project onto them and Abercrombie and Fitch would sue over copyright infringement.

3. There are over 101 ways to play pool without actually playing pool.

4. The only time June bugs are amusing is when they're in an indie flick with Mr. Lundgren/Brent.

5. The best parts of the party, we got on video. Every other time was pretty boring.

6. The June bug/spider arrangement on the windowsill is a lot like school. The spider presides over us all, enforcing a way of life we do not want, and though the majority of us are not very bright, every now and then someone will fly high enough to accidentally hit the spider and send it careening over the edge.

That came out wrong. I give up.