mood: getting there
music: imogen heap -- glittering cloud


happy day-after-thanksgiving. the holy day of the religion of capitalism.

but that is a discussion for another time.


i'm feeling. and that's good. that's better than the alternative. post SOA/WHINSEC protest and Emotional Boot Camp 06 i'm beginning to return to some feelings of humanity. this is not to say that i'm completely free of all the angst which i have seemingly adopted as my own personal dogma. but i'm getting there.

and that has to count for something.


so the strangest thing happened today. i ended up having a fairly lengthy talk with my mother about my love life. not only do i never really talk to my mother about my personal life, i actively avoid discussing boys with her. it's just been my rule of thumb. and what was even more surprising than my engaging her, was that she was compassionate and insightful in her diagnoses and prescriptions. most of what she said were things i had heard in one capacity or another before, but something about the way she said them concretized them in a way that i had not experienced before. and when i had reached the pinnacle of my confusion, babbling on in utmost and utter confusion and dismay about what i should do in this case or the other she simply stopped me and said:

"you'll know."

and while this statement is neither ground-breaking nor earth-shattering, it was quite possibily the best and most evocative thing anyone could have said to me in these particularly nerve-wrecking moments.

do i hope for what i want, follow what i hope, and to trust that i have the strength, discernment and love to do so?

that's bold.
and i hope the answer is a resounding

"yes."