mood: crabby
music: stacie orrico - there's gotta be more to life (yeah, wtf?!? i know)

the internet is crabby. that makes me crabby.

an unsuccessful night of trying to go out. plans fell through to go boozing at a friend of kk's place. though garret is convinced that they ditched the two of us. ah well. life goes on. word on the street was that it was being postponed until tomorrow night, but mayor daub has to work at 8 am on friday and i'm supposed to hang out with some of my fellow camp counselors so i think i'll have to miss the one. must admit, would have been nice to feel out the social scene with the folks from the playhouse. it would have been ray with the kk, mike trying desperately to get on sam and myself and mayor daub getting drunk, being hilarious, and probably insulting the other people there. but we would have thought it funny. and let's face it - that's all that matters.

i spent a couple of hours at my old high school's (in texas) website and the sites of the other 2 high schools in the city. what a bad idea. seeing all the pictures and reading all the stories about these people that used to be my best friends - people that i grew up with ... oh, it was heartbreaking. i cried a little, just longing for what my life could have been if i had stayed. i miss wichita SO much. and i miss those beautifully, wonderfully, sincere and honest people. i know people shit on texas and texans quite a bit and i will be the first to admit that they deserve some of it, but those are (to this day) some of the best people i've ever met. certainly better than the vast majority of the folks i have come across here. need i give the thumbs up? you know what i mean...

i can't possibly do my feelings justice. i don't know what it is, this omaha business has just been an incredibly difficult time in my life. i can't fully illustrate how negative these 3 years have been. granted, some parts have been great. and there are definitely experiences that i wouldn't trade for the world ... but ... sigh ... i'm sure no one can understand what it is that i'm trying to get across. but that's okay. i think i finally understand it.

in the interest of ending on a positive note, tonight was full of great quotes. enjoy.

"looking outside now ... (pause) ... it is dark." - ryan mcpike during his weather forecast

"you can't teach barbara walters how to rap." - queen latifah

"stop high fiving me! i don't want to high five sex crimes!" - conan o'brien

conan: no one should be caged
borak: what about gypsies?

ah ... more sighing.

i think it's time for a run. that should clear my mind

that is all...thank you.