mood: i wish it would rain
music: nico - these days

the past couple of days have been interesting. the bbq was good fun i suppose. i have to admit that it was beautiful to see sinley and mormon kyle again. i just haven't been dressing as well without my favorite stylist. megan glover officially sucks, because we were supposed to make brownies together, but instead she just decided to randomly not call me back (and then try to use the "your phone must be broken" line) and go make brownies with vasta. my tender heart aches. but most everything else was good wholesome fun. and i must say, forming a new country with mayor daub and offering people diplomatic immunity in exchange for refilling our alcohol was a fabulous idea. also, boxed wine out of plastic cups is classy, watermelon is always a good idea when drunk and double shots of vodka are okay by me...except when mayor daub steals them.

but the party did segway into a serious disappointment. surely you must feel a story coming on. well, for the sake of maturity i'm going to leave out the name(s), so you can make up your own to fit where necessary. the night of the bbq (insert name here) said something very interesting to me that was really german to my thoughts in my recent post about friendships (the one like 3 or 4 posts ago). so the next day i decided to take some of the advice that's been thrown around lately and talk to that person in a straightforward manner. i attempted to start an honest dialogue wherein i had hoped i could finally get that clarity i was looking for. well, there were no answers and no explanation from the other party.

and i'm just like "wtf?" i've always thought that when two intelligent people have a problem and one or both of them attempts to address it, they should logically be able to figure some things out. but when one side just has no answers and CANNOT (because i know, sometimes in life, we're just too confused and really can't find an answer) or WILL NOT attempt an explanation, well i guess i just don't have standard protocal for a response to that. i mean, what am i supposed to DO with that? or perhaps, the logic is that i cannot do anything with that. i guess i've done my part and i have to leave it up to the other person. which is, of course, the hardest thing to do. nothing. but, in the meantime, i enjoy and appreciate my other relationships that i am continually hoping are more solid and know i can only influence my own actions at this point. and i'm not going to let this consume or bother me. i said i was finished with drama after high school and i was SO serious.(which consequently means i'm only going to talk to exactly 4 other people about this, since they are - to a certain extent - a part of this) better just to relax and let things come as they may. i can concern myself with future action(s)/reaction(s) in the future.

i think i've figured out this purpose of blog/journal business. at least my own personal view on them:

*blogs/journals are for ranting if you want them to be. on the same token, if you don't take a step away from the computer and into the real world to work on the problems, then you really can't ever expect a solution.

*when you have a problem with other people that you want to rant about, leaving out the names really cuts down on the drama. but, it's your site, so you certainly have the right to throw them out there. but consider that with regards to the majority of the people that will be reading about the problem, it's none of their/our business and skews their/our opinions of the people mentioned. and every side deserves to be heard before judgment...in most cases.

* when you read other people's blogs/journals, you do run a certain risk of seeing something shitty written about you. but if you're not shitty then shitty things probably won't be written about you. (which is not to say that the person i was writing about earlier is shitty. they are not.)

*commenting on posts can either make it worse, or make it funny. if i'm not involved in the problem, i try to make it funny.

*sometimes i think we forget that blogs/journals are fun. so whatever is whatever. it's not that serious.

more and more this nico business is becoming my theme song

that is all...thank you.